IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The most effective way to solve the current traffic and pollution problems in cities is to encourage people to move from the suburbs or country into the city center. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#traffic #pollution #cities #people #move #suburbs #country #city #center
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Big
cities
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 are all about crowded streets, tall buildings, and a constant hum of life. Undoubtedly,
people
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 relocate because there is a plethora of opportunities in the
cities
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 compared to suburbs or rural areas but
this
Linking Words
 huge influx has caused rising concerns
such
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 as traffic congestion and increased pollution in the
cities
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. The proponents believe,
by
Change preposition
that
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 encouraging
people
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 to move from
suburbs
Correct article usage
the suburbs
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 to the
city
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center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 could help curb pollution and traffic congestion.
This
Linking Words
 is because the
city
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center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 has better commutation facilities,
infrastructure
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 and public transport system.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
critiques
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critics
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 of the idea perceive it differently and they argue that the existing
infrastructure
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 of the
city
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center
Change the spelling
centre
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 has its capacity limitations and
over burdening
Correct your spelling
overburdening
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 it would be counterproductive. They
further
Linking Words
 suggest investing in expanding the road network, improving
infrastructure
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, providing access to subsidized public transport system, encouraging car-pooling services etcetera would be a much better and permanent solution to the aforementioned problem.
In addition
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 to that, if the government ensures
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
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 of modern amenities and creates employment opportunities for the
people
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 living in suburbs / rural areas, it would minimize the need for them to relocate
and
Correct word choice
apply
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thus
Linking Words
, significantly reducing the huge influx of
people
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 into the
cities
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. In conclusion,
thorough
Correct article usage
a thorough
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 study with extensive urban planning is required to address and mitigate
such
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 issues. Concrete steps must be taken
such
Linking Words
 as uplifting the lifestyle of suburban residents and investing in
city
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infrastructure
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 would prove to be fruitful in the long run.
Submitted by Hassan Alavi on

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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. Make sure to fully develop your main ideas with sufficiently detailed explanations and examples to enhance task achievement.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have organized the essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion, however, consider varying your cohesive devices to avoid repetitiveness which can impact the logical flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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