IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#governments #progress #people #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Opinions are divided on whether the top rank to improve a
country
Use synonyms
 is economic
progess
Correct your spelling
progress
 or there are plenty types of
progress
Use synonyms
 that have to concern for
developed
Add an article
a developed
show examples
country
Use synonyms
. Personally, I am in agreement with the latter view, even though the other one
also
Linking Words
 shows some obvious advantageous points. The option
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 economic
progress
Use synonyms
 is the most important goal
is
Correct word choice
and is
show examples
 attractive for some reasons. First of all,
budget
Add an article
the budget
a budget
show examples
 of the
country
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
is bases
show examples
bases
Correct your spelling
based
show examples
 on
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 of the
country
Use synonyms
 alot and governments improve many problems that happening in the present day
such
Linking Words
 as
residents
Change noun form
residents'
resident's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, international liabilities,
constuctions
Correct your spelling
constraints
 and so on.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is dangerous for
low
Add an article
the low
show examples
 economic
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 because
military
Add an article
the military
show examples
 has to be strong and sustainable in order to protect the
country
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 it needs
strong
Correct article usage
a strong
show examples
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
countries
Use synonyms
 with strong military forces like Russia,
North
Correct word choice
and North
show examples
 Korea are always ready when anything threatens their
country
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believe it is more beneficial to improve
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
progress
Use synonyms
 equally.
Besides
Linking Words
, a strong economy
based
Add a missing verb
is based
show examples
 on plenty of things which
is grow
Change the verb form
is growing
is grown
show examples
 and developed education, politics,
widely
Replace the word
and wide
show examples
 commercial contact
such
Linking Words
 as
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, Japan,
China
Correct word choice
and China
show examples
 as
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
developed
countries
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
these factors above are really strong and imaging
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 with only strong economic
progress
Use synonyms
 which leads to violence, guilty.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these problems are rampant in most developing and undeveloped
countries
Use synonyms
 and they are the number one cause of social unrest.
In addition
Linking Words
 to solving these problems,
countries
Use synonyms
 have to achieve development in the fields of education, healthcare, science and technology. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
goal is economic
progress
Use synonyms
, it seems to me that a strong and sustainable
country
Use synonyms
 has to
base
Wrong verb form
be based
show examples
 on plenty of factors.
Submitted by mbd06042003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Use paragraphing effectively to separate ideas.
coherence cohesion
Introduce your main points in the opening paragraph, discuss them with support in the body, and summarize your stance in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
In the body of your essay, use specific examples to support your main points. Avoid overgeneralizations and ensure examples are relevant and strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Address the task prompt directly. Ensure that your response to the prompt is throughout the essay, fulfilling all parts of the task.
task achievement
Aim for clarity in expressing your ideas and ensure they are comprehensive.
task achievement
Always provide specific examples that are directly linked to the argument you are making. These should be relevant and well-developed.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: