Nowadays young people are admiring media and sports stars, even though they do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Young
people
are admired famous
Change preposition
by famous
media
and sport
Change the noun form
sports
celebrities
now. some of them might be misguided by the bad example
. In my opinion, I suppose it is not a good development.
Admittedly, most of the celebrities
are very attractive among the young groups. The reason is the
famous Correct determiner usage
that
media
and sports stars
are
always act as Unnecessary verb
apply
a
positive Correct article usage
apply
influencer
, Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
for
example
, they have healthy lifestyles and influential qualities in public and social media
. Additionally
, young people
are very crazy about the talented skills and nice appearance on
Change preposition
of
stars
. Young people
are
pursue them as followers because Unnecessary verb
apply
celebrities
leading
the waves of fashion which satisfy young Wrong verb form
lead
people
's creativity and imagination.
However
, young people
are easily misguided by the bad example
in
Change preposition
of
celebrities
. Some negative activities of stars
cannot be controlled such
as taking drugs, drinking and gambling in public. For
example
, a famous American rapper called Juice Wrld are
addicted to drugs and Correct subject-verb agreement
is
died
Wrong verb form
dies
in
27 years old because of Change preposition
at
the
overdose of codeine. Another point is that many popular musical Correct article usage
an
stars
appear in
their MTV may include sexy and nude photos which causes a negative effect for many kids. Change preposition
on
Besides
, many kids from ghettos in United
States may be Correct article usage
the United
lead
to Wrong verb form
led
joining
gangs when they see the gang lyrics in songs and guns that Wrong verb form
join
posted
on Add a missing verb
are posted
the
social Correct article usage
apply
media
by celebrities
. What's more, As an influencer, stars
ought to avoid showing their bad hobbies in public.
In conclusion, young people
should be mindful when they follow their role model
, it's not only the duty of Fix the agreement mistake
models
celebrities
to set a good example
, but also
young people
themselves have the responsibility to a good influencer
to others.Fix the agreement mistake
influencers
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task achievement
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the position could be stated more explicitly in the introduction, and more development in the main body paragraphs is needed. Ensure all parts of the prompt are addressed fully and with clear opinion statements.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure but suffers from some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing, which can make it unclear at times. Work on varying your sentence structures and ensuring that each paragraph flows logically to the next with appropriate use of cohesive devices.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite