IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays people move from one country to another for work Some people think children of these families suffer because of this while others think it is helpful for them Discuss views and give your opinion

4.0 / 9
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Introduction
Workless
Replace the word
Worklessness
show examples
is make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 several
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 move to another country in today's world. But
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
statments
Correct your spelling
statements
appears
Correct subject-verb agreement
appear
show examples
Change preposition
to defferent
show examples
defferent
Correct your spelling
different
 ideas for
people
Use synonyms
 about
it's
Correct word choice
whether it's
show examples
 helpful or not for their
children
Use synonyms
. In my view indeed workless is
reason
Correct article usage
the reason
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 and another
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
reason is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of salaries for their
children
Use synonyms
 and families
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand in my opinion some
people
Use synonyms
 think right, because their
whose
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
are miss
Change the verb form
miss
show examples
 them namely their
Body paragraph 2
children
Use synonyms
although
Linking Words
 men
are go
Change the verb form
go
show examples
another
Change preposition
to another
show examples
 country than women. It is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 their
encourage
Replace the word
encouragement
show examples
.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 interview
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 shown by
jurnalists
Correct your spelling
journalists
 on TV yesterday. It is very
unpleasan
Correct your spelling
unpleasant
 for
people
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 again
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 is not long as some
people
Use synonyms
 think. They spend their
life
Use synonyms
 in
dark
Add an article
the dark
show examples
 without
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
 and without
children
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
On
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 hand
Add a comma
,
show examples
several
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is good for
children
Use synonyms
 and their
life
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in the future Because they will grow up without trouble and any
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
 when their parents
work
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their studies and it
doesnt
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 matter for
life
Use synonyms
 despite
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 far.
Then
Linking Words
 their
children
Use synonyms
 will not
work
Use synonyms
 like themselves. So
Children
Use synonyms
 have got their good
work
Use synonyms
 in the future. For
Correct your spelling
instance
Correct your spelling
instance
insteance
Add a comma
insteance,
show examples
 a person
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 worked
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad a lot but he is very old and he and his
cheldren
Correct your spelling
children
 have got enough
Correct your spelling
opportunities
opportunaties
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to make everything
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for his
children
Use synonyms
Body paragraph 4
are
luckly
Correct your spelling
luckily
lucky
.
Body paragraph 5
In conclusion
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 should
work
Use synonyms
despite
Change preposition
in
show examples
places
Correct article usage
the places
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 say that the person should
wok
Correct your spelling
work
show examples
 with
break
Add an article
a break
the break
show examples
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
agan
Correct your spelling
again
 they claim that
Work
Use synonyms
 time is normal 8 hours for
eldest
Correct article usage
the eldest
show examples
.
Conclusion
Shodiyeva Mohinur

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clarity with multiple grammar errors and sentence fragments that make it difficult to understand. Introduction and conclusion are not clearly distinguished. Make sure that the essay has a clear introductory paragraph that presents the topic and your thesis statement, as well as a conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates your opinion.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task, but the arguments are not fully developed, and there is a lack of relevant supporting examples. Focus on fully developing your arguments with clear topic sentences for each paragraph and supporting them with specific examples or data.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • move abroad
  • suffer
  • feel lonely
  • new environment
  • language barrier
  • make friends
  • miss family
  • adapt to change
  • better opportunities
  • open-minded
  • life skills
  • self-confidence
  • support from parents
  • education system
  • cultural experience
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