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Band 5.5

More and more people are choosing to eat healthy food and making time to exercise regularly. Why is this happening and what can we do to encourage this?

#people #food #time #exercise
In modern society, more and more individuals tend to consume healthy products and prioritize exercise frequently. There are two major motivations for
this
 trend which are the awareness of healthy lifestyle and
availability
Correct article usage
the availability
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 of healthy foods. To
remain
Verb problem
maintain
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this
, authorities should encourage and educate their residents about the importance of healthy habits
to
Change preposition
in
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 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. First of all, it is undisputed that mankind in the modern community has become more clearly conscious of potential health risks associated with unhealthy diets and sedentary lifestyles.
Furthermore
,
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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exposure
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 magazines or online platforms related to health and beauty,
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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is a significant contribution to the passion and desirability to obtain a better life with a healthier body. As a case in point, the populations who are impacted on healthy cultures from others
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 may tend to gain higher awareness about the importance of having healthy habits. Second of all, another reason can be the easy accession of healthy products
such
 as vegetables or fruits.
Moreover
, with the advancements
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 technology and manufacturing techniques, the plantation and
breed
Wrong verb form
breeding
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 of these products
has
Change the verb form
have
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 become easier and more modern.
In addition
, there are more and more department stores and supermarkets which are built within
residence
Add an article
the residence
a residence
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, which make it beneficial for inhabitants to have opportunities to reach and consume healthy foods.
To sum up
, the increase in residents' consciousness and better opportunities to access healthy food chains can be considered as the main reason for their acquiring healthy lifestyle
tendency
Fix the agreement mistake
tendencies
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.
The government
Correct article usage
Government
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 intervention can lead to higher encouragement for
this
.
Submitted by thuhuyen16992qn on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear logical structure by adding more linking words and transition phrases between sentences and paragraphs to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
While there is a clear introduction and conclusion, work on refining your concluding paragraph to reiterate your main points more clearly and provide a more impactful final thought or recommendation.
coherence cohesion
Expand upon your main points by incorporating more detailed explanations and examples, which could provide a stronger argument and make your essay more persuasive.
task achievement
Address the task fully by making sure to respond to both parts of the question adequately - why the phenomenon is happening, and specific actions that can be taken to encourage it. Your essay would benefit from clearer, more comprehensive development of these ideas.
task achievement
Include more relevant, specific examples to support your ideas. These examples should be purposeful and directly linked to the point you are making. Concrete examples often make an argument more compelling and are a key aspect of a high-scoring essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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