IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Online currencies have become more common in recent years. Is this positive or negative development ?

#currencies #years #development
It is becoming increasingly popular the usage of digital
currency
 in
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 decade. From my perspective,
this
 is a definitely positive phenomenon for current society as a whole despite the financial risks On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
digital money can ensure stability and
provided
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a reliable alternative to commercial bank money. It means that the mass adoption of one specific
currency
 and possible economic crisis can be avoided.
Furthermore
, the ability to digitally trace transactions individually promotes
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
monetary sovereignty.
As a result
, electronic currencies can make the payment system safer and prevent some potential future threats.
On the other hand
, implementing a new
currency
 by governments could introduce several minor concerns.
In other words
, if some governments establish
such
 kind of
currency
, all financial operations will be monitored. In turn,
this
 will lead to the centralisation of the monetary system and
raising
Wrong verb form
raise
show examples
 awareness about the potential misuse. All in all, future
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
show examples
 might have control of your financial data and restrict freedom of economic relations.
To sum up
, individuals must
mindful
Add a missing verb
be mindful
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 potential control of their finances.
However
, technological safety and a total absence of risks are vital advancements
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 online
currency
.
Submitted by sevaraalbertovna on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay provides a general view on the topic but lacks a clear and nuanced position on whether the development of online currencies is positive or negative. To improve, directly address the question in the introduction and conclusion, stating whether you believe it to be a positive or a negative development and supporting your view with targeted reasons throughout.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates some ability to organize ideas logically. However, the overall structure could be enhanced by ensuring that both sides of the argument (positive and negative aspects) receive equivalent development. Additionally, make clearer connections between points, and ensure that your argument progresses naturally from introduction to conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital wallet
  • Decentralization
  • Cryptocurrency
  • Blockchain
  • E-commerce
  • Fiat currency
  • Financial inclusion
  • Cross-border transactions
  • Volatility
  • Smart contracts
  • Decentralized Finance (DeFi)
  • Mining
  • Energy consumption
  • Pseudo-anonymous
  • Regulatory challenges
  • Financial privacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: