IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many young people who leave school hold a negative attitude towards learning. Why does this happen? What are the solutions?

#people #school #attitude #happen
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In modern times, people attempt to attend
school
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.
However
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, a significant ratio of
students
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 tend to have a negative attitude toward education.
This
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 essay aims to show the cause of
this
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 phenomenon and how it affects the future. Many young people drop out of
school
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 with a pessimistic attitude towards learning. Nowadays, the youngster is acquiring certifications to increase their chances of being hired by a big company. The examinations are more competitive and challenging
make
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making
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students
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 feel stressed and unmotivated.
In addition
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, they have to endure the pressure from their parents. Most parents want their children to be doctors or lawyers so that they are suppressed from studying hard and getting high scores. Unfortunately,
this
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 led
students
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 to leave
school
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 and have a negative outlook
of
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on
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 studying. To tackle these problems, it is suggested that there are some solutions.
First,
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parents need to stop pressuring their children to do things they are not interested in.
Instead
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, they should encourage
students
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 to learn at
school
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 and share their feelings with them to have a better understanding of each other. During the lessons, not only teach about the lectures but
also
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 attach mini-games to motivate
students
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.
This
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 method helps
students
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 retain lessons better and increases interest in subjects. In brief,
although
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 the percentage of scholars who quit
school
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 with a negative attitude is still increasing slightly, there are some solutions to improve
this
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 situation
Submitted by baochaungoisao on

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coherence cohesion
The essay presents a basic logical structure, but it is somewhat fragmented and lacks clear progression of ideas. Introduction and conclusion are present but not fully developed. Main points are supported, yet the support could be more substantial and persuasive.
task achievement
The response only partially covers the task, addressing the causes and solutions; however, these need to be expanded upon to fully satisfy the requirements. Ideas are clear but not adequately comprehensive, lacking detail and depth. Examples provided are relevant but not sufficiently specific or elaborated.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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