IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is impossible to help all people around the world in need so governments should focus on people from their own country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #world #governments #focus #country
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary global landscape, the question of whether governments should allocate resources primarily to address the needs of their own citizens or extend assistance to people worldwide is a subject of ongoing debate. Proponents of prioritizing domestic concerns argue that governments bear a fundamental responsibility to safeguard the well-being of their citizens, as these individuals contribute to the state's economic and social fabric. From a practical standpoint, the limited resources of any government necessitate a focus on local issues to ensure the effective provision of essential services,
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare, education, and infrastructure.
Moreover
Linking Words
, addressing internal challenges is seen as a means of fostering stability and prosperity, which can, in turn, contribute to global stability.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, critics argue that in an interconnected world, global challenges,
such
Linking Words
 as poverty, climate change, and pandemics, require cooperative efforts that extend beyond national borders. Striking a balance between addressing local needs and contributing to global welfare is a complex undertaking that demands nuanced policy approaches and international collaboration.
Submitted by vdtue061108 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The absence of a distinct concluding paragraph makes it difficult to assess the full scope of your argument.
examples
While you have presented a balanced view, the lack of explicit examples weakens your argument. Specific examples would strengthen your case and help the reader understand your points more clearly.
linking
Consider refining the logical flow of your essay. Using clear and distinct paragraphs for each main point, with appropriate linking words, would improve readability and the overall cohesion of your essay.
position
Your essay does address both views to some extent, but it requires a clearer expression of your own position throughout the essay to fully meet the task response criterion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • limited resources
  • moral obligation
  • global stability
  • economic impact
  • domestic issues
  • international aid
  • diplomatic relationships
  • resource allocation
  • healthcare
  • education
  • infrastructure
  • national priorities
  • desperate need
  • indirect benefit
  • goodwill
What to do next:
Look at other essays: