IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Work is more important than leisure. Do you agree or disagree?

#work #leisure
In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 society, the majority of
people
 prefer to
work
 long hours, which can leave
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vaery
Correct your spelling
very
 little
time
 to spend with friends,
family
Correct word choice
and family
show examples
 or to pursue hobbies. Some
people
 choose that making money and achieving bright future goals is more sufficient than having a rest
time
.
However
, I totally agree that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
work
 and leisure should be equal
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
Work
 is important in our lives for some reasons:
firstly
, and most clearly, we need to
work
 to earn income, and
secondly
, to walk
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
valuable purposes. Earning an income is the main reason most
people
 go to
work
, as
well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
all need money
Change preposition
for
show examples
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 daily expenses,
Replace the word
living
show examples
live
Replace the word
living
show examples
 and
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
. If a human
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has a family
such
 as children. The individual duty is to take care of his family, especially, financially.
Additionally
,
expect
Wrong verb form
expecting
show examples
 reason to get out of bed every day, we can feel minuscule
goaless
Correct your spelling
goalless
 and lost, which in turn into like a "zombie".
Nonetheless
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure is
also
 sufficient in our society. It is essential to have
time
 to rest and recuperate from the stresses of
work
.
This
 helps keep us mentally and physically healthy.Everyone has
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
stress, of
course
Add a comma
course,
show examples
 it is
natural
Add an article
a natural
show examples
 situation,
nevertheless
, in
this
 case, you should go on a trip and go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
places of entertainment
such
 as
Correct article usage
the mountain
show examples
mountain
Fix the agreement mistake
mountains
show examples
.
For example
, I had a situation which is stressful status. That's why, I told my parents "
let's
Capitalize word
Let's
show examples
 go to the gorgeous places in the world". So it was
amazing
Correct article usage
an amazing
show examples
 space which was memorable. After that, we
were relaxing
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
 and
play
Wrong verb form
played
show examples
 some games. And so, without
this
 should not be well-balanced
people
.
Overall
, there is no doubt,
work
 and rest should be done on
time
 and balanced.
Submitted by personformember on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay shows an attempt at addressing the topic but the arguments are underdeveloped and there is a lack of clear and comprehensive ideas. For task achievement, ensure the response directly answers the question and provides a persuasive argument with a clear opinion throughout.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of the essay. It should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and the ideas should be developed logically.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clearer and more relevant examples. Each idea presented should be backed up with examples that clearly relate to the point being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence in places due to grammatical and syntax errors, which makes it challenging for readers to follow the argument. Proofreading is essential to catch these mistakes.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: