IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Work is more important than leisure. Do you agree or disagree?

#work #leisure
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
the
Correct article usage
a
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competetive
Correct your spelling
competitive
 society, the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 long hours, which can leave
a
Correct article usage
apply
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vaery
Correct your spelling
very
 little
time
Use synonyms
 to spend with friends,
family
Correct word choice
and family
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 or to pursue hobbies. Some
people
Use synonyms
 choose that making money and achieving bright future goals is more sufficient than having a rest
time
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I totally agree that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 and leisure should be equal
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
.
Work
Use synonyms
 is important in our lives for some reasons:
firstly
Linking Words
, and most clearly, we need to
work
Use synonyms
 to earn income, and
secondly
Linking Words
, to walk
to
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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valuable purposes. Earning an income is the main reason most
people
Use synonyms
 go to
work
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, as
well
Rephrase
apply
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all need money
Change preposition
for
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to
Change preposition
for
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 daily expenses,
Replace the word
living
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live
Replace the word
living
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 and
Wrong verb form
eating
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eat
Wrong verb form
eating
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. If a human
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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has a family
such
Linking Words
 as children. The individual duty is to take care of his family, especially, financially.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
expect
Wrong verb form
expecting
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 reason to get out of bed every day, we can feel minuscule
goaless
Correct your spelling
goalless
 and lost, which in turn into like a "zombie".
Nonetheless
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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leisure is
also
Linking Words
 sufficient in our society. It is essential to have
time
Use synonyms
 to rest and recuperate from the stresses of
work
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 helps keep us mentally and physically healthy.Everyone has
a
Remove the article
apply
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stress, of
course
Add a comma
course,
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 it is
natural
Add an article
a natural
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 situation,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
 case, you should go on a trip and go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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places of entertainment
such
Linking Words
 as
Correct article usage
the mountain
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mountain
Fix the agreement mistake
mountains
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.
For example
Linking Words
, I had a situation which is stressful status. That's why, I told my parents "
let's
Capitalize word
Let's
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 go to the gorgeous places in the world". So it was
amazing
Correct article usage
an amazing
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 space which was memorable. After that, we
were relaxing
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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 and
play
Wrong verb form
played
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 some games. And so, without
this
Linking Words
 should not be well-balanced
people
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, there is no doubt,
work
Use synonyms
 and rest should be done on
time
Use synonyms
 and balanced.
Submitted by personformember on

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task achievement
The essay shows an attempt at addressing the topic but the arguments are underdeveloped and there is a lack of clear and comprehensive ideas. For task achievement, ensure the response directly answers the question and provides a persuasive argument with a clear opinion throughout.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical structure of the essay. It should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and the ideas should be developed logically.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with clearer and more relevant examples. Each idea presented should be backed up with examples that clearly relate to the point being made.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks coherence in places due to grammatical and syntax errors, which makes it challenging for readers to follow the argument. Proofreading is essential to catch these mistakes.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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