IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Why some people argue that the use of animals in medical research for the benefit of human?

#people #animals #research #benefit
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The use of
animals
Use synonyms
 for
humans’
Fix the agreement mistake
human’
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 benefits has been greatly discussed nowadays. There is a group of people that defend the idea of
human’s
Change noun form
human
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 hierarchy, but there is
also
Linking Words
 an
increasingly
Change the adverb
increasing
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 group advocating for the protection of the rights of
animals
Use synonyms
. A few years ago, we would not see as many people arguing in favour of
animals
Use synonyms
’ rights as we see nowadays, and we can see the theme being very present and active
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 on social media. Defending the use of
animals
Use synonyms
 for
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
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 is basically saying that their lives
worth
Add a missing verb
are worth
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 less than ours. Only from that point of view is possible to find an explanation for animal testing,
for example
Linking Words
,
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 when we are talking about a range of
non vital
Add a hyphen
non-vital
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 products like beauty care. The main argument used by the opposite group is that humans’ lives are not superior to any other species of life, and so we do not have the right
of managing
Change preposition
to manage
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 those innocent beings and
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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 with their health and life. The proposed solution given by the animal’s protectors, when talking about laboratory tests
Linking Words
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 example, is to test products on humans since they will be aware of the conditions and able to agree with the procedures. Being an animal lover, I am definitely inclined to support the second group’s ideas.
However
Linking Words
, even trying to do my best to protect
animal’s
Change noun form
animal
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 rights I see myself in the middle of these two extreme groups
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 since I still cannot see the world working without any use of
animals
Use synonyms
 for
human’s
Change noun form
human
show examples
 benefit. And I know
this
Linking Words
 is a long road we all have yet to go.
Submitted by ionyourenglish on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay has a clear introductive paragraph that introduces the topic and gives a brief outline of the points to be discussed. The main body should present arguments with supporting evidence, followed by a conclusion that summarises the discussion and presents your stance clearly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure and the points are presented in a mostly systematic way, however, try to use more cohesive devices and transitions to make the relationship between ideas smoother and more explicit. This will strengthen the overall coherence of the essay.
coherence cohesion
While some main points are supported, the essay would benefit significantly from the addition of specific, relevant examples to illustrate and strengthen the arguments being made. Include studies, statistics, or real-world instances where applicable.
task achievement
Your task response is somewhat complete, but it lacks a clear positioning statement at the beginning and does not fully address the prompt's counter-arguments. The essay should explicitly state the discussion points and explore the opposing views in detail to fully meet the requirements of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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