IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people say that the clothes people wear are the most indication of what they are like.Other,however say that people should not be judged by the clothes people wear.

#people #clothes #indication
In these modern days,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 looking
of
Change preposition
at
show examples
people
 are
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
show examples
 factor
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
 decisions about them.
While
 some
people
 believe that the clothing of
people
 depends on their choices and curiosity,I would argue that
people
 should not connect
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 bounds related to what others wear. On the one hand,there are some aspects of starting communication
towards
Change preposition
apply
show examples
according to
 clothing.First of all,many
people
 who are become
prestigious
Correct article usage
a prestigious
show examples
backgrounds
Fix the agreement mistake
background
show examples
 usually wear high-cost
clothes
.
This
 means that
people
desire
Add the particle
desire to
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 express their social status to
crowd
Correct article usage
the crowd
show examples
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 expensive
clothes
 which
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
other
people
 may
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
respect and praise them.
Secondly
,many
people
 tend to imitate the clothing style of celebrities.
In other words
,they have more opportunities to
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
interest
Fix the agreement mistake
interests
show examples
 of celebrities.
On the other hand
,starting relationships
according to
people
's wearing style
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
 negative consequences in some cases.One of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
people
 who
are wearing
Wrong verb form
wear
show examples
 ordinary
clothes
 and shabby
look
Fix the agreement mistake
looks
show examples
 can
be feel
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
discrimination
Replace the word
discriminated
show examples
due
Change preposition
against due
show examples
 to mockery words by wealthy ones.Another reason to should not pay attention
people's
Change preposition
to people's
show examples
look
Fix the agreement mistake
looks
show examples
 is that many youngsters may become peer
pressure
Wrong verb form
pressured
show examples
 by
witness
Replace the word
witnessing
show examples
 classmates or friends whose brand
clothes
.
For example
,some parents
do not
Verb problem
cannot
show examples
 afford to purchase expensive
clothes
 for their children.
Furthermore
,there are many
people
achieved
Correct pronoun usage
who achieved
show examples
 personal success who
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
became poor
society
Change preposition
in society
show examples
 ,
for example
, Einstein and Mozart. In conclusion,
people
 should communicate with each other do not pay attention
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
clothes
 because
people
's capabilities may differ
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 look.
Submitted by madinasayfulloyeva223 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay indicates an attempt at structuring the argument with a basic introduction, body, and conclusion. However, more complex and varied structures should be employed for higher marks. Use clear paragraphing with topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence. Also, work on the logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
You addressed the task only partially; the essay discusses both views but fails to develop them fully. For a higher score, ensure you explore all parts of the prompt in depth. Each paragraph should contain one clear main idea and be expanded with explanations, examples, and implications. The conclusion should neatly summarize your arguments and clearly state your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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