The charts below show the growth in the population in some of the world’s largest cities as well as the population distribution in urban and rural areas.

The charts below show the growth in the population in some of the world’s largest cities as well as the population distribution in urban and rural areas.
The bar chart compares the
citizen’s
Change noun form
citizen
show examples
rate
and separation of metropolitan and countryside among
Tokyo
, New
York
,
Shanghai
,
Bombay
and
Jakarta
in different years, 1970, 1990,
2010
Correct word choice
and 2010
show examples
.
Overall
, it is glaringly obvious that the figures
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
all
largest
Correct article usage
the largest
show examples
cities saw
dramatic
Add an article
a dramatic
show examples
increase during the shown period. Interestingly, the growth in the
population
of
Tokyo
and
Bombay
was seen
higher
Change preposition
at higher
show examples
rates than others. Moving to
a more detailed analyses
Correct the article-noun agreement
a more detailed analysis
more detailed analyses
show examples
,
it is clear that
in 1970,
while
the most
urbanization
was about 16
m
and 14
m
accordingly
in
Tokyo
and New
York
, the
third ranked
Add a hyphen
third-ranked
show examples
city in the
population
rate
was
Shanghai
with
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
over 12
m
people.
Moreover
,
Bombay
and
Jakarta
had shown
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
less than 5m people in their
urbanization
rate
in the initial year.
According to
the charts, it can be seen that by 1990 the
population
distribution in rural and urban areas of the largest cities had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
grown rapidly in
Bombay
,
Jakarta
and
Tokyo
while
the
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
urbanization
rate
rose gradually between roughly 1m and 2m in New
York
and
Shanghai
. Eventually, in 2010,
Tokyo
and
Bombay
were first and
second ranked
Add a hyphen
second-ranked
show examples
in
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
of the
population
with the
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
28m and 27m respectively. Another main point is that the amount of
urbanization
in
Jakarta
and
Shanghai
rose dramatically to their peak and showed numbers over
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
18m,
while
New
York
saw the result
only
Change preposition
of only
show examples
17m.
Submitted by xolbekov.akbar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, tokyo, york, shanghai, bombay, jakarta, population, urbanization, m with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!