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Band 3

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help, so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#world #communities #countries
many
people
 hold the view that we cannot support everyone in the world
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 needs help, so we should focus on
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 in our communities
anh
Correct your spelling
and
 countries. Personally, I totally disagree with
this
 view because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that we should try to help as many
people
 as
possiable
Correct your spelling
possible
. on the one hand, it is important to help our neighbours and citizens. In most communities, there are
people
 who are impoverished or disadvantaged.
for example
, in even the wealthiest of cities, we find easily homeless
people
, so many
volunteer
Change to a plural noun
volunteers
show examples
 help us
to give
Change preposition
by giving
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 money, food or
clother
Correct your spelling
clothes
clothing
, to support these
people
. As the problems are on our doorstep, and there are obvious ways to help, I can understand why some
people
 feel that we should prioritise local charity.
on the other hand
, the vision could be a big problem in the future.
That is
 because a rich country can have a very good
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
,
we
Correct word choice
and we
show examples
 need integration to improve between different
national
Replace the word
nations
show examples
.
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
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 the war between
russia
Change the capitalization
Russia
show examples
 and
ukraine
Change the capitalization
Ukraine
show examples
, and many
people
 from Ukraine are in a dramatic situation in my opinion any community could not support these refugees. in conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that any community should help as we cannot know what will
pass
Verb problem
happen
show examples
 in the future and if we will need other areas. and everybody should receive another opportunity if he or she has any problem.
furthermore
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that some societies have the possibility to be in solidarity with other areas.
Submitted by nguyenthithuytrangvn2019 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay has a clear logical structure with well-defined paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea.
coherence cohesion
Include clear introductory and concluding paragraphs, stating your position and summarizing the main points of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Support the main points with specific examples and explanations that are directly related to the question prompt.
task achievement
Make sure to fully respond to all parts of the task. Your essay should address both sides of the argument if the question asks for your opinion to what extent you agree or disagree.
task achievement
Ideas should be clear, well-developed, and expressed comprehensively. Paragraphs should logically follow each other, and the writing should guide the reader through the text easily.
task achievement
Use a range of vocabulary and grammatical structures appropriately, without errors that might hinder understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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