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Writing Samples /
Band 2

The Advantages and Disadvantages of Having More Opportunities to Choose

#opportunities
Some people believe in
this
 period of time there are more opportunities to choose
.
Change preposition
from.
show examples
 By evaluation of knowledge, development of technology and more discoveries all around the world it can be
correct
Add an article
a correct
the correct
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 idea.
However
, there are many drawbacks, which can cause limitations.
The
Correct article usage
A
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 vast amount of factories and companies had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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started their activity to follow of development of technology.
Therefore
,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 huge amount of jobs have been produced for
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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. It created many choices for people ,who were looking to find
a good works
Correct the article-noun agreement
a good work
good works
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. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand,
this
 huge capacity of
developments
Fix the agreement mistake
development
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 helped society to
made
Change the verb
make
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 more
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 in different qualities and quantities
by
Change preposition
at
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 more speed.
Farther more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
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, these.
variation
Fix the agreement mistake
variations
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 of goods produced
the
Correct article usage
apply
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significant choices.
In
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand, if the amount of opportunities
increase
Change the verb form
increases
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 too much, it can have
upside down
Add a hyphen
upside-down
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 effects on people.
For instance
, the brain will become
disable
Wrong verb form
disabled
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 for picking the best one; Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the majority of
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
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do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not let it
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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make a decision perfectly.
To sum up
,
although
, nowadays we have too many options,
But
Correct word choice
apply
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, we should be aware and try to use
this
 opportunity in the best way.
Firstly
,
observed
Wrong verb form
observe
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 and evaluate carefully.
Secondly
, pick the most useful item.
Submitted by Hamid.hqs on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure, which makes it difficult to follow your argument. You should have a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and subsequent sentences should elaborate on that idea coherently.
coherence cohesion
The main points of your essay are not well supported with specific examples or evidence. To improve, provide clear explanations, examples, and reasons to support each of your main points.
task achievement
You have not fully addressed the task, which requires discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of having more opportunities to choose. You also need to provide a clear position throughout the response and a conclusion that summarises your overall stance.
task achievement
The ideas in the essay are not fully clear or comprehensive. It is important to take time to plan your essay to ensure that each paragraph presents a clear and detailed idea related to the topic.
task achievement
The essay lacks relevant and specific examples to illustrate the advantages and disadvantages discussed. Including real-life examples or hypothetical scenarios can greatly strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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