Some people say that advertisement targeting children may have negative effects on them, and suggest banning such advertisement as a solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #advertisement #children #effects

There is a discussion among people that they

belive

Correct your spelling

believe

show examples

banning some advertisements is the only answer which impacts youngsters in

Correct article usage

the

show examples

wrong direction. In

this

essay I

filrmy

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firmly

filmy

agree with the statement for many reasons, which will be explained in detail with relevant examples.

Firstly

Adds

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Ads

show examples

play a key role in society in many

number of

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

ways targeting all age groups including

kids

Ther

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There

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are ample advertisements with good and clear

message

Fix the agreement mistake

messages

show examples

there

Correct word choice

but there

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are few which mislead humans in a negative direction specifically targeting

kids

. Children are most attracted to these posters around them and start thinking of these

colourful-adds

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colourful ads

show examples

to understand the hidden meaning in

Correct pronoun usage

them

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However

, they are not grown up to understand but they continue to think about it in their minds and

disscuss

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discuss

with

Correct pronoun usage

it with

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their friends.

This

ends up

effecting

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affecting

show examples

them in a false direction and

this

should be avoided by banning these posters

permenantly

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permanently

which

create

Correct subject-verb agreement

creates

show examples

negative

Add an article

a negative

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impact on

kids

On the other hand

, Some Companies attract

kids

with their products

with

Change preposition

through

show examples

wall posters or

Change preposition

through

show examples

television media showing

advantages

Correct article usage

the advantages

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they provide and

fool

Replace the word

fooling

show examples

children

Change preposition

with

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false advertising. products include

vedio

Correct your spelling

video

-games,

Mobile-phones

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mobile phones

show examples

and

Correct word choice

apply

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etc,

target

Replace the word

targeting

show examples

young-generations

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young generations

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as their main source of income and

get

Wrong verb form

getting

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profit by selling them easily.

For instance

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apply

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research shows that education purpose Tablet

company

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companies

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initially

have

Wrong verb form

had

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very low sales at their

begining

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beginning

days. Later they

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

extended

it's

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its

show examples

feauters

Correct your spelling

features

for playing games and other fun applications and

targetted

Correct your spelling

targeted

show examples

youngsters with their

campigns

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campaigns

and other sources of

adds

Correct your spelling

ads

show examples

and

kids

eventually

tought

Correct your spelling

taught

thought

they

can

Wrong verb form

could

show examples

use

this

for both

purpose

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purposes

show examples

but ended up wasting their precious time playing in it rather

studying

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than studying

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Thus

this

is one of the major problems

how

Change preposition

in how

show examples

children are diverted in

Correct article usage

the

show examples

wrong path.

To conclude

Kids

are not developed

Rephrase

enough to

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understand and choose between a good and bad theme adds,

Moreover

they get easily

attarcted

Correct your spelling

attracted

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

advertisements which impact their

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

show examples

in a negative way.

Submitted by bntvo4 on Thu Dec 14 2023

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Coherence & Cohesion

To improve your score in the logical structure aspect of coherence and cohesion, you should focus on creating clearer, more logical transitions between ideas. Use linking words effectively and ensure each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Avoid abrupt changes in topic and make sure all parts of your essay are connected in a logical sequence.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good, but they could be strengthened. Make sure your introduction clearly sets out the topic of the essay and your stance on it. In your conclusion, succinctly summarize your main points and restate your position. Ensure that the conclusion doesn't introduce new ideas.

Coherence & Cohesion

To bolster supported main points, expand on the ideas you present with more detail and depth. Develop each point with specific evidence, and explain how it supports your overall argument. This will strengthen the persuasiveness of your essay and make your points more compelling.

Task Achievement

For a full response to the task, ensure that you answer all parts of the prompt fully. Expand on your reasons for agreeing with the notion of banning advertisements, including discussing any counterarguments and refuting them where applicable. Make your stance clear throughout the essay.

Task Achievement

Your ideas could be clearer and more comprehensive. Make sure you explain each point you're making thoroughly, and that your ideas are fully developed before moving on to the next one. This will ensure the reader can follow your argument and understand the reasoning behind your views.

Task Achievement

Include more relevant specific examples to back up your points. These examples should be detailed and directly related to the argument you're making. The examples you use should also be varied and from reliable sources, to maximize the effectiveness of your essay.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
47Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

320 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people say that children should spend their free time on clubs and extra classes. Other, however, believe they should spend their leisure time doing activities with their families. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

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Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that it is important for children to learn how to keep themselves occupied on their own.