Some people say that advertisement targeting children may have negative effects on them, and suggest banning such advertisement as a solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

There is a discussion among people that they
belive
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believe
show examples
banning some advertisements is the only answer which impacts youngsters in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
wrong direction. In
this
essay I
filrmy
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firmly
filmy
agree with the statement for many reasons, which will be explained in detail with relevant examples.
Firstly
,
Adds
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Ads
show examples
play a key role in society in many
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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ways targeting all age groups including
kids
.
Ther
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There
show examples
are ample advertisements with good and clear
message
Fix the agreement mistake
messages
show examples
,
there
Correct word choice
but there
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are few which mislead humans in a negative direction specifically targeting
kids
. Children are most attracted to these posters around them and start thinking of these
colourful-adds
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colourful ads
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to understand the hidden meaning in
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
However
, they are not grown up to understand but they continue to think about it in their minds and
disscuss
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discuss
with
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it with
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their friends.
This
ends up
effecting
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affecting
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them in a false direction and
this
should be avoided by banning these posters
permenantly
Correct your spelling
permanently
which
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact on
kids
.
On the other hand
, Some Companies attract
kids
with their products
with
Change preposition
through
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wall posters or
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
television media showing
advantages
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the advantages
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they provide and
fool
Replace the word
fooling
show examples
children
by
Change preposition
with
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false advertising. products include
vedio
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video
-games,
Mobile-phones
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mobile phones
show examples
and
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apply
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etc,
target
Replace the word
targeting
show examples
young-generations
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young generations
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as their main source of income and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
profit by selling them easily.
For instance
,
a
Remove the article
apply
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research shows that education purpose Tablet
company
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companies
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initially
have
Wrong verb form
had
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very low sales at their
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
days. Later they
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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extended
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
feauters
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features
for playing games and other fun applications and
targetted
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targeted
show examples
youngsters with their
campigns
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campaigns
and other sources of
adds
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ads
show examples
and
kids
eventually
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
thought
they
can
Wrong verb form
could
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use
this
for both
purpose
Change to a plural noun
purposes
show examples
but ended up wasting their precious time playing in it rather
studying
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than studying
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.
Thus
this
is one of the major problems
how
Change preposition
in how
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children are diverted in
a
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the
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wrong path.
To conclude
,
Kids
are not developed
to
Rephrase
enough to
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understand and choose between a good and bad theme adds,
Moreover
they get easily
attarcted
Correct your spelling
attracted
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisements which impact their
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
in a negative way.
Submitted by bntvo4 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
To improve your score in the logical structure aspect of coherence and cohesion, you should focus on creating clearer, more logical transitions between ideas. Use linking words effectively and ensure each paragraph flows naturally into the next. Avoid abrupt changes in topic and make sure all parts of your essay are connected in a logical sequence.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good, but they could be strengthened. Make sure your introduction clearly sets out the topic of the essay and your stance on it. In your conclusion, succinctly summarize your main points and restate your position. Ensure that the conclusion doesn't introduce new ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
To bolster supported main points, expand on the ideas you present with more detail and depth. Develop each point with specific evidence, and explain how it supports your overall argument. This will strengthen the persuasiveness of your essay and make your points more compelling.
Task Achievement
For a full response to the task, ensure that you answer all parts of the prompt fully. Expand on your reasons for agreeing with the notion of banning advertisements, including discussing any counterarguments and refuting them where applicable. Make your stance clear throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Your ideas could be clearer and more comprehensive. Make sure you explain each point you're making thoroughly, and that your ideas are fully developed before moving on to the next one. This will ensure the reader can follow your argument and understand the reasoning behind your views.
Task Achievement
Include more relevant specific examples to back up your points. These examples should be detailed and directly related to the argument you're making. The examples you use should also be varied and from reliable sources, to maximize the effectiveness of your essay.

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