Topic: Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Some
people
claim that capital punishment
is crucial to people
's lives to provide control under violence. In
addition
they believe if it Add a comma
addition,
get
rid of, their lives would be more dangerous and Change the verb form
gets
rate
of violence grow. I completely disagree with Correct article usage
the rate
this
assertion, there are controversal
reasons in terms of Correct your spelling
controversial
this
punishment
's effect on the
Correct article usage
apply
society
and its' inadequate aspects.
To begin
with, death
punishment
can lead
to negative influence on Verb problem
have
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
regard of
authorities. Replace the word
regarding
Initially
, the preference of
to administrate with scare Change preposition
apply
people
is not likely practical
Correct article usage
a practical
solve
since it may cause to increase tense of among the citizens. Replace the word
solution
In
Change preposition
For
this
reason, society
can be become
more and more Change to the active voice
become
aggresive
and it may cause to increase ratio of crimes rather than Correct your spelling
aggressive
diminish
. Take Correct pronoun usage
diminish it
a
Iranian government, which Correct article usage
the
they apply
capital Wrong verb form
applies
punishment
in their country, for example
; if it enable
Change the verb form
enables
to
more Change preposition
apply
secure
and crimes of violence decline, Replace the word
security
this
country would be the most secure for living
.
Replace the word
live
Moreover
, death
punishment
may not be enough for huge violent crime
. Some Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
people
can see death
as a
escape. Change the article
an
Therefore
, some vilonce
should take more heavy Correct your spelling
violence
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
instead
of just death
. Thereby, they live in the small room end of their life. In addition
, they could not see their family or friends, if they have. Constraning
their independency in order to measure Correct your spelling
Constraining
integrate
Replace the word
integration
on
Change preposition
in
society
is the
better way Correct article usage
a
compare
to Change the form of the verb
compared
give
capital Wrong verb form
giving
punishment
as a gift.
To conclude
, there are some acceptable reasons towards to
capital Change preposition
apply
punishment
which are to promote reliable laws and give a better punishment
to criminals.Submitted by ilknurkaradmn on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
structure
Ensure that the essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should outline the argument, and the conclusion should clearly restate your position. Both were vague in the current essay.
logic
Develop a logical structure by organizing paragraphs around a single main idea and use appropriate transitions to connect ideas. Each paragraph should have a clear central topic, which was not always evident in your essay.
examples
Support main points with clear, relevant examples. Aim to provide specific instances that showcase your argument. The essay would benefit from more concrete examples and evidence to back up the points made.
task response
Fully address all parts of the task prompt in a comprehensive manner. The essay did not fully explore the reasons for agreeing or disagreeing with the statement on the necessity of capital punishment for controlling violence in society.
clarity
Present ideas clearly and comprehensively. Avoid ambiguity and ensure that each paragraph conveys a clear point. Some ideas in the essay were not thoroughly explained, and the reader is left with unclear or incomplete understanding of your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!