The government should lower the budget on art in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?
In the globalization era, authorities encourage their population to have high learning because they believe that education can develop people to get an effective resource and they can propel a
country
. So the government
should reduce the budget for art to share more money to help with training. In my view, I totally agree with this
topic and I will expand on this
essay.
To begin
with, education plays a pivotal role in a rustic that can be beneficial to a population. As children are a new generation they will be a worker in the future and authority can get benefits from them. It is necessary to improve labour in the country
because they can be simple and support their country
. Moreover
, there are increasing economic and new innovations. If people in a country
are educated and literate it should reduce crime because they can get a job and understand the law. So they do not have to break a law or be a rubber and also
a country
will grow fast with good capability so far. Hence
, improving education has an impact on the development nation and an advantage to humanity.
On the other hand
, dropping the financial budget on craft is not fairly for provincial and local people as well. For art
and traditional culture that indigenous ancient built Change preposition
Art
for
a long time ago, Change preposition
apply
it
is a good thing and we should inherit them from our lineage. Correct pronoun usage
apply
For example
, the UK has holistic schooling and beautiful amenities around the rustic that the government
can control in an equal way. So the government
should allocate a proportional budget with the reasonable and look after the old traditions or craft together. There are utilities for humans and the planet.
In conclusion, the authority should designate the funds to every sector because they give us a different benefit and they do a deviation side. As individuals, we should support and encourage our government
to follow the law and help each other to advance a good environment, economy, and sanitation. It will provide happiness for our world at the same time.Submitted by cherriess_cr on
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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay contains an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is good. However, the logical flow between points could be more clear and concise. Transition words could be used more effectively to create better cohesion between ideas. Some of the arguments are relevant, but you need to develop your points more thoroughly. Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that the supporting sentences directly relate to it.
Task Achievement
You addressed the essay topic, but did not fully develop a clear position throughout the essay. The extent of your agreement could be more explicit and consistently supported throughout. Ensure that you provide specific, relevant examples to back up your points. Your response to the task could have been more complete if the ideas were more fully extended and supported with concrete examples or explanations.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.