IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoid change. Others however think that change is always good discussion both views and give your opinion.

#people #lives #change #discussion
Nowadays some individuals like better
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 their lives as
usual
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they live and avoid
change
.
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 others believe that switch is
also
 better. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both
view's
Change the noun form
views
view
show examples
 in the upcoming paragraphs. To commence with, people will resist any
change
 they see as an imposition. Because they fear
loosing
Replace the word
losing
show examples
 control over aspects of their work or personal life that are important to them
such
 as autonomy, relationships, or status To cite as an example, senior citizens are very protective
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 their relationships and work so that's why they avoid changes.
Secondly
,
old generation
Add a hyphen
old-generation
show examples
 pupils do not want to
change
 their lifestyle and mindsets because they think resist
against
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their values and
cultural
Replace the word
culture
show examples
.
However
, some humans believe
change
 is always good and
that is
 beneficial substitute is very good and leads to health and other factors
such
 as
explore
Wrong verb form
exploring
show examples
 many places and
find
Wrong verb form
finding
show examples
 peace
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different places.
Furthermore
, in today's world technology plays a vital role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 human civilization so people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to be very familiar with electronic gadgets
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
make new friends and
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
 motivational music on various platforms.
For instance
, enguru is India's top application which provides different types of mediation and
motivations
Fix the agreement mistake
motivation
show examples
 speeches and moral stories to help them make a valuable development.
Hence
 diversity is
extreme
Change the adjective
extremely
show examples
 better
to relax
Change preposition
for relaxing
show examples
 from daily work and tensions In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, I think
change
 is very good for health and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
 environment people should plan their meditation camp once
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a month so they can feel more
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
show examples
.
Submitted by kavyasharma092001 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay needs a clearer and more structured approach, encompassing an introduction with a clear thesis statement, developed body paragraphs, and a decisive conclusion. Your ideas require further development to fully respond to the task.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow and transitions between ideas. Use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately to improve clarity and connection between paragraphs and sentences.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: