IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have advantages or more disadvantages?

#people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
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Ay
Correct your spelling
At
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 the present
time
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, many people spend more
their
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of their
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time
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 and they are leaving very little
time
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 for leisure activities. It is somewhat true that
work
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 long
hours
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. In my opinion, the
person
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 will develop and build lan future. Because, at the present
time
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, no one works and fors create a good life for another
person
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. Everyone works for himself.
For example
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, there are many homeless and poor people in every country. They do not
work
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 or they
work
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ungwillingly
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unwillingly
 and only a little.
It
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If
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 they worked
harf
Correct your spelling
hard
 and sincerely, they would at least be out of poverty or have their own houses.
Therefore
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, I think that
,
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apply
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 everyone who wants to live well and buy a house and a car has to
work
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harf
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hard
 and long
hours
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.
However
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,
on the other
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hand
Add a comma
hand,
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to
Change the verb form
working
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work
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 many
hours
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 a day is worst. The overwork can cause nervous disorders.
Id
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If
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 a
person
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 works for a long
time
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 without stopping, it will tire the
person
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's nerves. Nervous exhaustion creates many diseases and even leads to death.
Secondly
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, working long
hours
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 takes a
person
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 away from his family.
Due to
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 his
work
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, he can not spend much
time
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to
Change preposition
with
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 his family. In my opinion, every child who grows yo in
such
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 a life will grow up to be unloving. And years later, these children prefer
work
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 to their parents, just as their parents preferred
work
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 to them years ago. In conclusion, of course, a
person
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 should
work
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, only with equal
time
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 spent on family,
work
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 and rest.
Submitted by xolmuratovagulnoza2 on

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Introduction
The introduction is not entirely clear and lacks a proper thesis statement. It should provide a brief overview of the topic and your stance on the issue.
Structure
The logical structure of the essay is weak. Ideas should be more thoroughly developed and paragraphs should be clearly separated with one central idea per paragraph.
Cohesion
The essay lacks adequate cohesion. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Supporting Arguments
The main points should be supported by clear, specific examples. Currently, the arguments are vague and lack depth.
Task Response
The essay does not fully address the task, as it only superficially explores the topic. You need to explore the advantages and disadvantages more deeply to provide a balanced view and a conclusive stance.
Grammar
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay. Proofread your work to correct these and ensure that sentence structures are varied and correctly formed.
Conclusion
The conclusion provides a closure to the essay, but it should also summarise the key points discussed and restate your opinion. It must be clear and impactful.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • stress relief
  • productivity
  • economic growth
  • career progression
  • skill enhancement
  • quality time
  • financial security
  • leisure activities
  • physical health
  • personal relationships
  • stress-related illnesses
What to do next:
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