Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have advantages or more disadvantages?
Ay
the present Correct your spelling
At
time
, many people spend more their
Change preposition
of their
time
work
and they are leaving very little Wrong verb form
working
time
for leisure activities.
It is somewhat true that work
long hours
. In my opinion, the person
will develop and build lan future. Because, at the present time
, no one works and fors create a good life for another person
. Everyone works for himself. For example
, there are many homeless and poor people in every country. They do not work
or they work
ungwillingly
and only a little. Correct your spelling
unwillingly
It
they worked Correct your spelling
If
harf
and sincerely, they would at least be out of poverty or have their own houses. Correct your spelling
hard
Therefore
, I think that,
everyone who wants to live well and buy a house and a car has to Remove the comma
apply
work
harf
and long Correct your spelling
hard
hours
.
However
, on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
to
Change the verb form
working
work
many hours
a day is worst. The overwork can cause nervous disorders. Id
a Correct your spelling
If
person
works for a long time
without stopping, it will tire the person
's nerves. Nervous exhaustion creates many diseases and even leads to death. Secondly
, working long hours
takes a person
away from his family. Due to
his work
, he can not spend much time
to
his family. In my opinion, every child who grows yo in Change preposition
with
such
a life will grow up to be unloving. And years later, these children prefer work
to their parents, just as their parents preferred work
to them years ago.
In conclusion, of course, a person
should work
, only with equal time
spent on family, work
and rest.Submitted by xolmuratovagulnoza2 on
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Introduction
The introduction is not entirely clear and lacks a proper thesis statement. It should provide a brief overview of the topic and your stance on the issue.
Structure
The logical structure of the essay is weak. Ideas should be more thoroughly developed and paragraphs should be clearly separated with one central idea per paragraph.
Cohesion
The essay lacks adequate cohesion. Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs.
Supporting Arguments
The main points should be supported by clear, specific examples. Currently, the arguments are vague and lack depth.
Task Response
The essay does not fully address the task, as it only superficially explores the topic. You need to explore the advantages and disadvantages more deeply to provide a balanced view and a conclusive stance.
Grammar
There are several grammatical errors throughout the essay. Proofread your work to correct these and ensure that sentence structures are varied and correctly formed.
Conclusion
The conclusion provides a closure to the essay, but it should also summarise the key points discussed and restate your opinion. It must be clear and impactful.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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