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Band 4

Would you live with your parents after getting married? Why or why not?

#parents
Getting married can change our lives. We will take responsibility for taking care of the person we love. Many
people
 think especially in Indonesia you should get your own
house
 before you
getting
Wrong verb form
get
show examples
 married. But unfortunately, many
people
 aren't ready to get their own
house
. That's
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
, before
married
Replace the word
marriage
show examples
 you should
be to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
discuss with your partner for choosing
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 after
married
Replace the word
marriage
show examples
.
However
, it depends on your needs and how
to begin
 for new life. There is no explanation or validation about
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 with your parents after getting married.
For example
, when
people
think
Verb problem
apply
show examples
talk about married
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their partners I think there
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
has already
discussed
Replace the word
been a discussion
show examples
 about
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 for
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will stay. Since the
house
is continue
Change the verb form
continues
show examples
 to increase in price, the man would feel burdened because of morals to the man who has bought a place to stay with their partners.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
Unfortunately,
show examples
 nowadays, some men can’t
bought
Change the verb form
buy
be bought
show examples
 their own
house
. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other lives, many
people
 think it doesn't matter when the men can’t have their own
house
. That's
way
Correct your spelling
why
show examples
 If men
will could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 be hard
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
, have other jobs, and
also
 trust in the scenario created by God their lives will be easy. On the other side, whose marriage
people
 live with their parents and
also
 could be taking care of their parents to get older.
To conclude
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
 time the couples could deep talk before choosing
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the next plan to stay
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other.
Although
it is clear that
 communication factors play a part, I would argue that it is the former
that is
 the most important.
Submitted by wayangdekrisna on

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Introduction
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Cohesion
Work on creating a more logical flow of ideas by using linking words and ensuring that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is expanded upon with supporting information.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, make sure to summarize the main points of the essay and clearly state your position. It should mirror the introduction and provide a clear end to your argument.
Task Response
Provide a more direct answer to the question presented. The essay should consistently address the topic with a clear position and provide relevant, supporting examples.
Supporting Examples
Use specific examples to support your points. General statements need to be substantiated with clear illustrations or references.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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