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Band 4

Bullying is a big problem in many schools.What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#schools
One of the most difficult issues that many schools strive to tackle is bullying
amoung
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among
 school kids.Some people indicate that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 from underprivileged families might be
central
Add an article
a central
the central
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 target for
classmated
Verb problem
the classroom
show examples
.Others comment
saying
Verb problem
apply
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that it is
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the
show examples
parents
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parents'
parent's
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faults
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fault
show examples
 in terms of
bringing-up
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bringing up
show examples
 their
children
 that may generate persecution.
This
 essay will try to outline reasons that
leads
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lead
show examples
 to massive intimidation and suggest workable
sollutions
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solutions
.
To begin
 with,pupils often bully those
you
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who
show examples
 are from low-income families.To be more clear,they find something in poor
child
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children
show examples
 to make fun
or
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of or
show examples
 to narrow down.
Thus
,
inoccent
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innocent
children
 without doing anything can be
bullyed
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bullied
 by their classmates.Owing to
this
 reason,it is worth calling all bullying
organisators
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organisers
 and
explain
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explaining
show examples
 in
details
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detail
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 that they are not guilty
for
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of
show examples
 not having something or their look is not proper for some
reasons
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reason
show examples
.
For instance
,when
i
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I
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 was
studing
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studying
 in primary school ,I had a classmate who almost
everyday
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every day
show examples
find
Wrong verb form
found
show examples
 reasons to beat his weak classmates.
Hence
,
explaining
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explaining to
show examples
children
 that it is bad, might cut down the
quanity
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quantity
 of
bullyings
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bullying
show examples
 or even it can lead to disappearing as well.
Furthermore
,appropriate upbringing
amoung
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among
offsprings
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offspring
show examples
 is
also
 vital.Saying
thourougly
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thoroughly
,parents play
crucial
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a crucial
show examples
 role with regard to
children
 and their
mistake
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mistakes
show examples
 might cause school bullying to smart and
well raised
Add a hyphen
well-raised
show examples
students.To
combate
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combat
this
 issue,parents especially mothers should allocate as much time as possible to their offspring’s
up-bringing
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upbringing
show examples
 and it will
definately
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definitely
 contribute
the
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to the
show examples
 decline
of
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in
show examples
number
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a number
the number
show examples
 of bullying promoters. Taking everything into account,bullying is a big problem in many schools
especially
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, especially
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 in public schools.
Nevereteless
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Nevertheless
 neglecting the issues that persecution,various methods can be used to
addrens
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address
 the issue or just cut down the number of it.
Submitted by alex.martirosyan201206 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear, logical structure, making it difficult to follow the progression of ideas. The candidate should focus on creating well-organized paragraphs, each with a clear central idea supported by relevant explanations, examples, and logical connectors.
Task Achievement
The response is underdeveloped and only partially addresses the prompt. To improve, the candidate should provide a more detailed exploration of the causes of bullying and offer well-explained, nuanced solutions, ensuring they directly respond to all parts of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bullying
  • Harassment
  • Intimidation
  • Diversity
  • Adolescent
  • Mimic
  • Aggressive behavior
  • Cyberbullying
  • Peer pressure
  • Social acceptance
  • Awareness
  • Conflict resolution
  • Peer mediation
  • Consequences
  • Respect
  • Kindness
  • Open communication
  • Vulnerable
  • Buddy system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: