Teens are forced in their attitudes in few events by their mates.People said that peer pressure is important and other says it has many demerits.To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Youngsters are influenced in their behaviours
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
rare
occassion
Correct your spelling
occasion
occasions
by their peers.A number of individuals argue that peer pressure is crucial
while
other people feel that it has many demerits.If asked, I firmly agree that
this
statement has fruitful outcomes
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
being disadvantageous and the reason for my perception will be analyzed
further
. Discussing the merit, the foremost one is the role of
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
and
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
process.If juveniles are encouraged by their mates to withstand any obstacles
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
bothering them, it makes them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
decide on their own and allows them to indulge in activities
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
considered to be useful for them in future.It makes them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
understand how to plan ahead for
unforseeen
Correct your spelling
unforeseen
circumstances and it portrays a sense of
a
Add a missing verb
being a
show examples
resonsible
Correct your spelling
responsible
individual
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the status of
such
teenager
Correct article usage
a teenager
show examples
.
For example
, if fellow peers advise
thier
Correct your spelling
their
mate to learn a skill
such
as barbing and tailoring, it yields little income to them.
Therefore
, reducing the cost of being dependent on their parent and being able to be bold and smart. To add to the mentioned benefit, it makes them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
understand the main trends and behaviours that are unacceptable in the nation.If a youngster
live
Change the verb form
lives
show examples
in an environment
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
there is no room for law and order because any acts portrayed there is a normal attitude, it makes them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
deviate
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
policies when schooling in an area where rules and
reguations
Correct your spelling
regulations
are set in place.With these,
such
Correct article usage
an adolesent
show examples
adolesent
Correct your spelling
adolescent
would be influenced by
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
or
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
fellow colleagues not to
pertake
Correct your spelling
partake
in
such
acts.They would enlighten him or her about the punishment
behing
Correct your spelling
being
behind
such
attitude
Correct article usage
an attitude
show examples
and motivate
such
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
to become a better
indivudual
Correct your spelling
individual
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
would not overlook the darker side.It is apparent that peer group influence
tempt
Change the verb form
tempts
show examples
an individual to indulge in numerous social vices,
brings
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
in low self-esteem and lack of concentration in their academic field.If a student is the most brilliant in the class and other people tend to bully
such
person
due to
the achievement of that
person
, it
result
Change the verb form
results
show examples
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
self isolation
Add a hyphen
self-isolation
show examples
and sadness.
Such
teenager
Correct article usage
a teenager
show examples
tries to accept anything
that is
said by his or her fellow friends in order to build a friend zone with them.There are a plethora of harmful substances that would be initiated to
such
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
.If
such
youngster continue with
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
harmful drugs, it is detrimental to their
overall
wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
and morality in general.
Therefore
, making
such
person
Correct article usage
a person
show examples
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
produce
woefuo
Correct your spelling
woeful
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
at the end
of the term. In conclusion, it can be stated that peer influence has its merit as it fosters
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
sense of doing things in the right manner and it
knowing
Wrong verb form
knows
show examples
ones
Change to a genitive case
one's
show examples
weaknesses in order to make amendments.
Submitted by Akindelequareeb2005 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
While you have presented an introduction and a conclusion, which is good, your essay could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the prompt at the end of the introduction. The body paragraphs should systematically develop your position with clear topic sentences and closer alignment to the thesis.
task achievement
The body paragraphs could be more cohesively linked with clearer and more varied transition phrases. Endeavor to ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. The main ideas are relevant but can be more effectively supported by specific examples to bolster your argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a visible attempt to organize the essay structurally, and you have used paragraphs. Make sure to enhance the logical structure by using coherent paragraphing, and maintain a clear progression of ideas throughout.
coherence cohesion
Try to provide more concrete examples to illustrate your points. Your arguments are generally relevant, but including specific instances or citing sources could greatly improve the persuasive power of your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: