Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices in everyday matters such as ( food , clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Others believe that it is important for children to make their own decision about matters that affect them

#people #children #choices #matters #food #clothes #entertainment #society #individuals #decision

In recent years, a wide range of

researches

Fix the agreement mistake

research

show examples

have

Wrong verb form

has been

show examples

done, in order to show

Correct word choice

whether is

show examples

it necessary that

children

make their own

choice

Fix the agreement mistake

choices

show examples

in everyday

matters

or not

Change the punctuation

show examples

Some individuals believe that if we allow

children

to make their own

choices

in various

matters

like clothes and

matters

, they just contemplate

about

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their own wishes and desires in society.

However

, others contend that making

decisions

about different

matters

is crucial for

children

. Now, I will discuss

you

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

both views

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and share my own perspective. Some individuals argue that if

children

make their own

decisions

about different issues

such

as clothing and entertainment, they learn to just care about themselves, so when they enter

Change preposition

apply

show examples

society, they just follow their dreams and wishes. It means, their parents never teach them that they should consult with other people and care about their opinions.

Consequently

, they have

negative

Add an article

a negative

show examples

impact on society.

Conversely

, other people believe

children

should make their own

choices

in order to make informed

decisions

in the future. They say that if

children

do not

learn

Add the particle

learn to

show examples

make

decisions

in their childhood, they face

with

Change preposition

apply

show examples

numerous problems in their young era.

For instance

, if parents let their

children

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

choose their favorite clothes or entertainment, they boost their confidence, so when

this

child grow up can make informed

decisions

. From my perspective, it is very important to allow

children

to make their own

choices

this

due to

the fact that they can learn how to make

decisions

about more crucial issues in the future. In the modern era, There are a significant number of debates about whether parents let their

children

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

make their own

choices

or not. Personally, I reckon learning how to make

decisions

is very necessary for

children

in order to make better

choices

in their adult era.

Submitted by k.valizadeh1376 on Thu Dec 14 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure

Ensure your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. Your essay lacks a well-defined introduction and conclusion that clearly states the topic and summarizes the main points and your position.

development

Develop your main points with specific examples. Your essay has broad statements but does not provide detailed examples to support your arguments.

accuracy

Be cautious with grammar and punctuation. The essay contains several grammatical errors which may impede meaning.

flow

Maintain a consistent logical flow between paragraphs and within the essay as a whole. Use connecting words and phrases to link ideas and paragraphs. Your essay sometimes jumps from one idea to another abruptly.

task response

Address all parts of the task. The essay does not fully address the prompt as it presents a one-sided argument instead of discussing both views and giving your own opinion.

lexical resource

Use a range of vocabulary to express your ideas. Try to showcase your language proficiency with varied sentence structures and vocabulary.

mechanics

Proofread your work to avoid typos and ensure the accuracy of your language use.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

300 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Human activities have led negative effects on plant and animals all over the world. Some people think it is too late to do something about it. Others think there is still some time to take actions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
climate change is a very huge issue and this should be a top priority for every stakeholder around countries to solve this, for the sake of providing a better life to the current and next generation. specialists say climate change happens because of human activities, and plants and animals are now considered the most affected living creatures by climate change. for example in the Arctic, there is a sudden appearance of strange viruses that later kill a few habitats in it. in a tropical country, farmers are now not able to do regular harvest because of a strange phenomenon. experts say the growth of technology development causes this climate change phenomenon, and the earth is forecasted to lose its ability to be lived by living things by the end of the year 2100 if people only stay still and do nothing to change this situation.
7.5
band
Many young children have unsupervised access to the internet and are using the internet to socialise with others. This can lead to a number of dangerous situations which can be threatening for children. What problems do children face when going online without parental supervision? How can these problems be solved?
The unchecked access to the internet that many young children enjoy today can have perilous consequences, as it exposes them to various dangers while socialising online. This essay will delve into the problems that arise when children access the internet without adult supervision and propose potential solutions to mitigate these issues.
4.5
band
Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleeo?
In the modern world, it is argued that sleeping is not taking seriously as before. Some factors which influence this trend can be managed. This essay will discuss problems caused by lack of sleep and give possible solutions to avoid lack of sleep. It will outline the ineffeciency of human beings as a result of lack of sleep and point at the importance to reducing work overload to sleep well as well as mantaining diet, physical and mental health.
7
band
Some People prefer to spend their lives doing the same thing and avoiding changes. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion
Change is an inevitable aspect of life, constantly shaping the world around us and influencing our experiences. Yet, how individuals perceive and respond to it varies significantly. While some prefer to maintain stability and consistency in their lives, others embrace difference as a means of growth and progress. Both perspectives have their merits and drawbacks, and understanding these contrasting viewpoints is essential in navigating the complexities of this world.
7
band
Some people think that testing on animals is necessary for discovering medicine that helps fight diseases, while others believe it is not necessary to test on animals for this reason. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Even though medical equipment and knowledge are developed well, some new diseases are discovered and need to be addressed. For this matter, an argument appears regarding the medicine testing on animals. Some people believe that testing is essential to check the effectiveness while the other group think it is unnecessary. I believe that both opinions have pros and cons, and I stand with the idea of testing medicine on non-human subjects.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Fully explain your ideas

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Human activities have led negative effects on plant and animals all over the world. Some people think it is too late to do something about it. Others think there is still some time to take actions. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleeo?

Some People prefer to spend their lives doing the same thing and avoiding changes. Others, however, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Some people think that testing on animals is necessary for discovering medicine that helps fight diseases, while others believe it is not necessary to test on animals for this reason. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+