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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many parts of the world, children and teenagers are committing more crimes. Why is this happening? How should they be punished?

#parts #world #children #teenagers #crimes
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It is obvious that
children
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 and youth are becoming prevalent in many countries.
This
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 essay would provide the reasons and
also
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 feasible solutions to tackle issues. It is undeniable that the crime rates of juveniles and the younger generation are increasing
due to
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 the lack of care from their
parents
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. The point worth noting is that modern
parents
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 have been always busy with their work to make profits that would meet their family’s demands so that they do not have enough time to take care of their
children
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.
As a result
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, adolescents are more exposed to the negative content of advertisements and
games
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.
Therefore
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, they would do illegal act like pickpocketing to have money on buying luxury items or online
games
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. There are some measures for these problems. Another point worth concerning that
parents
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 should spend more time for their
children
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 and juveniles
such
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 as: listiening to their problems to help them to deal with,
also
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 having reasonable punishments to demonstrate the action have bad consequence.
For instance
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,
parents
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 would educate their
children
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 advoid negative effects of
games
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.
Moreover
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, governments might impose policies for every kinds of
games
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such
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 as: allowing suitable ages and identifying by Identity cards before letting people enter
games
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. In conclusion, the number of chidren and teenagers committing the offense witness a sharp increase
that is
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 result from the lack of care from their
parents
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.
However
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, some solution are mentioned would deal with
this
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 issue.
Submitted by lanhongchi on

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structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should outline the main points to be discussed, the body should expand on these points with well-structured paragraphs, and the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate the answer to the question.
cohesion
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs. This makes it easier for the reader to follow your arguments. Avoid repetition and strive for clarity by organizing your ideas logically.
task response
Address all parts of the task. In this case, ensure you discuss both the reasons for children and teenagers committing more crimes and how they should be punished. Develop each point fully with explanations and examples.
clarity and specificity
Use specific examples to support your ideas. General statements should be backed up with specific, relevant examples to illustrate the point you are making.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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