Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others,however,say other measures are required.

The
Correct article usage
Sports
show examples
sports
are not only vital for
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
overall
enhancement of our body but
also
indispensable for
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
of one nation as they are world wide played
such
Rephrase
worldwide such
show examples
as cricket,football, basketball Badminton. It is true that
sport center
Fix the agreement mistake
sports centers
show examples
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
gym
Fix the agreement mistake
gyms
show examples
,athletic
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
show examples
and many more will help individuals to keep fit and elated. On the
hand
Correct word choice
other hand
show examples
, few
people
believe that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
proliferating the number of
sports
facilities
will
employ
Wrong verb form
be employed
show examples
to improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public health in many ways. First of all, if
sports
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
,training and other
facilities
related to physically challenged activities increase
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
it will be easier for mankind to access them.
Furthermore
,
sports
facilities
are economically effective because it is cheap to use so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
more and more
people
can facilitate by using them. One documentary has shown that most of the dwellers of urban locations were suffering from obesity
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
increasing the
sports
Correct quantifier usage
number of sports
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
it
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased over the period.
On the other hand
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
of
people
sa
Correct your spelling
say
other measures are essential.
Firstly
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should play their role
to make
Change preposition
in making
show examples
people
healthy and fit by improving the high tax rates on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast food restaurants. To exemplify it, one survey has shown that in the USA, after enforcing the tax rates on the unhealthy food business,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
the health rate increased in just
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
years.
Furthermore
,
people
should do yoga and meditation as they provide enormous benefits to them.
To conclude
, in order to improve public health, establishing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
facilities
is not enough, other measures which are mentioned above
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
crucial to keep healthy.
Submitted by bhattaditi642 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay requires clearer organization and use of paragraphs. It is crucial to have a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion to guide the reader through your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a logical flow between sentences and ideas. Use cohesive devices effectively to connect paragraphs and sentences. This includes transition phrases and referencing words properly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples and explanations. Each point you make should be explored fully with evidence and details that are relevant.
Task Achievement
Address all parts of the task by providing a balanced discussion of both views presented in the prompt, followed by a clear personal stance in the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your ideas should be clearly developed and fully extended. Avoid making general statements without explaining how they relate to the topic.
Task Achievement
Use relevant examples to support your points. Examples should be specific and directly related to the arguments you are making. Avoid broad or generic statements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: