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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Do you think it is better for governments to spend money developing public transportation or developing new kinds of cars? Why or why not? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#governments #money #transportation #kinds #cars
It is widely argued that spending
money
in
Change preposition
on
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 developing public transportation is more valuable for
governments
 rather than developing new types of
cars
.
While
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
 support in the development of the most recent types of
cars
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 equally important to improve national
bugdets
Correct your spelling
budgets
due to
Correct article usage
the possibilities
show examples
Correct article usage
the possibilities
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
show examples
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
show examples
 of car exports, I strongly agree that authorities must pay more attention
Change preposition
to
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in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 allocating the budgets for public transportation. On one hand, contributions given by the authorities can increase
nation's
Correct article usage
a nation's
show examples
 ranks in the world. To illustrate, if a huge amount of
money
 has been given for research and development of eco-friendly
cars
, investors from around the world would be interested
to pay
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in paying
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 a high price, which will benefit one's country economically.
Nevertheless
,
this
 merit utterly
bring
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brings
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 gold opportunities for certain groups only.
Thus
, the
governments
 should look for other potential measures to ensure each resident
equally
Add a missing verb
is equally
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 treated.
Money
 spent
for
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on
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 establishing public transport will benefit both
governments
 and residents as they can eliminate the issues of pollution and traffic jams. Car fumes and carbon footprints can be reduced,
therefore
,
pollution
Correct article usage
the pollution
show examples
 index in one's country will decrease.
Consequently
,
proportion
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the proportion
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 of breathing
diificulties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 among citizens can be suppressed and the
governments
ready
Add a missing verb
are ready
show examples
 to foster
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 level of populations. In summation,
money
 allocation in producing a new kind of
cars
 may
impacts
Change the verb form
impact
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 the
governments
' economic level into a higher rank.
However
, it is the
governments'
Correct your spelling
government's
show examples
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 to satisfy their residents by providing comfortable and less-pollutant public transport.
Therefore
, the measures taken do not only bring advantages for certain
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 or people, but for everyone.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
The essay provides a basic structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, but it lacks clear transitions and can benefit from better paragraph organization to improve the logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Main points are present with some explanation, but the development of these ideas is limited and does not fully satisfy the prompt. Incorporate more detailed and relevant examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
You have made an attempt to address the question, but the response could be more fully developed with a balanced discussion of both sides of the issue. Ensure that your position is clear throughout the essay and provide a more detailed elaboration on examples to strengthen your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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