To some people studying the past is the best way to help young people function well in the modern world. To what extent do you agree or disagree? What other measures could be effective in helping young people to function well in the modern world?
Nowadays, There are two groups of
people
that face this
issue in two different ways. The first group believes that studying the past is the best way to help young people
, On the other hand
, the second group does not agree with this
statement.
In my viewpoint, If we guide young people
in the best way, We must consider both ideas of groups.
In fact, I agree with the idea of the first group because studying history can help to understand so many problems and issues that face in the near future and also
will help to thay untill do not repeat their mistakes. For example
, We saw revolution
Add an article
the revolution
a revolution
of
France by Change preposition
in
people
for achieving
freedom Change preposition
to achieve
then
destroying impaired
and changing to Correct article usage
the impaired
republic
in the past. After that, As we abed, Add an article
the republic
a republic
Revolution
of Correct article usage
the Revolution
Iranian
Correct article usage
the Iranian
people
in 1982.
Meanwhile, We can not ignore the fact that history is written by Victorians and they speak about every thing
they think or want not reality. Correct your spelling
everything
Also
, we have educated history in school and young people
just study the events, Do
not realize the past.
Correct your spelling
and do
In addition
, It is clear that
the modern world has been developed by technology and young people
need to update themselves with new problems so they need to education about vast knowledge of different sciences and social communication and awareness about environment
issues.
In conclusion, Studying the past is the one of ways that help young Replace the word
environmental
people
to
prepare themselves to face with new world but Verb problem
apply
that is
not enughe only
. Verb problem
enough
Actually
they need to Add a comma
Actually,
Add a missing verb
be professional
professional
educated in school and increase Change the word
professionally
knowledge
of Correct pronoun usage
their knowledge
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
sciences
Change preposition
of sciences
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
learning
applied sciences. I think, In these ways, children improve their skills and will prepare for the future and they will have the best function in the modern world.Verb problem
apply
Submitted by n.gholami1976 on
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coherence cohesion
You need to pay more attention to the logical flow of your argument. The essay seems to jump between ideas without clear connections or transitions. Consider using clearer topic sentences and make sure that each paragraph flows logically from one to the next.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and a conclusion are present, they could be more effective. The introduction should clearly state your position in response to the question, and the conclusion should summarise your main points without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure that each main point is well-supported with explanations, examples, or evidence. Avoid making broad statements without backing them up. Try to provide specific examples that directly support your argument.
task achievement
The response must address all parts of the task. Make sure your essay directly answers the question asked, and that your position is clear throughout the text. Avoid straying off-topic and ensure that every paragraph contributes to your overall argument.
task achievement
Strive for clarity in your ideas and organization. It might help to plan your essay before you start writing to ensure each idea is clear and logically presented. Your writing should guide the reader through your argument in a comprehensible way.
task achievement
Your essay could benefit from the inclusion of more relevant and specific examples. These examples should clearly relate to the prompt and help to illustrate your points. Avoid vague references and ensure your examples are pertinent and enhance your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.