Some people believe that social networking sites have a considerably detrimental effect on individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some

people

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opine that social platforms pose a negative impact on

people

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and the community. I wholeheartedly agree with the former perspective for the following reasons.

To begin

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with, social media is detrimental to the general well-being of users. Specifically, it fosters unhealthy lifestyles because of the huge amount of time they spend

gluing

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glueing

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their eyes to the screen.

As a result

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people

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who are addicted to mobile phones tend to be short-sighted, and their physical well-being is

also

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adversely affected.

Moreover

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, youngsters might lose their confidence as influencers and celebrities tend to show them the positive aspects of their success

instead

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of the hindrances they have to overcome.

Therefore

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, they can lower the self-esteem of users as they naively believe that they do not deserve better things and end up in desperation.

In addition

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such

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sites can have negative impacts on society because of their misinformation. In fact, these days, plenty of information in various fields is exchanged on the Internet

while

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the majority of it is not verified by authoritative departments.

As a consequence

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people

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with a high level of exposure to these sources might be misled, leading to chaos and crisis in society.

For instance

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, fake news about vaccines that have significant side effects on

people

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’s health made

people

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hesitant and resist using them, which created various obstacles to the process of fighting against Coronavirus in many countries. In conclusion, social media not only negatively affects individuals’ well-being but

also

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poses various detrimental influences on society as it can disturb the harmony of

community

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the community

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hungt3791Thu Dec 14 2023

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task achievement

The introduction could be enhanced by paraphrasing the prompt more effectively and clearly stating your position. While you have expressed agreement, it is essential to briefly outline the main points you plan to discuss.

coherence cohesion

Work on developing a more complex logical structure. While you have paragraphs, the transition between ideas could be smoother. Use a range of cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and reference words, to help link ideas within and across paragraphs more clearly.

task achievement

Expand on your main points with more detailed explanations and illustrative examples. Real-life instances or authoritative studies that support your arguments will strengthen your essay's task response score.

task achievement

Ensure you have a balanced argument by discussing opposing viewpoints. This could include acknowledging some positive effects of social networking sites, even if you disagree with them, to show a comprehensive understanding of the topic.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion needs to summarize the main points discussed in the body paragraphs effectively. Also, restate your opinion clearly to reinforce the position you've taken throughout the essay.

11
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

257 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

social networking
isolation
depression
virtual interactions
misinformation
polarization
cyberbullying
mental health
wellbeing
unrealistic standards
self-esteem
body image
productivity
distraction
public opinion
conflict
societal harm

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Some people believe that computers are more a hindrance than a help in today’s world. Others feel that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them. In what ways are computers a hindrance? What is your opinion?