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In some cultures, children are often told they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advanages and disadvantages of gibing children this message?

#cultures #children #advanages #message
Sometimes, people and families try to imply the notion of success by
puting
Correct your spelling
putting
 so much effort into something
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 to make their
children
 attain whatever they want in
future
.
This
 may
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
children
 undergo
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure in their lives. Meanwhile, it can
also
 lead to their success. First and foremost, there might be some satisfying results by teaching
children
 to be tough and a
hardworker
Correct your spelling
workers
 from their first stages of growth. By doing
this
, they will be prepared for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 upcoming problems in their lives, since
life
 is a race of achieving goals and so,
children
 will learn how to win
this
 race.
Moreover
, they will learn to value every
trimphs
Correct your spelling
triumphs
triumph
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 get because they have been told that they have to try hard to reach worthy outcomes. To illustrate
this
, there is a huge
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 in the behaviour of a
child
 who
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 not done
any thing
Correct your spelling
anything
show examples
 to achieve a valuable result and a
child
 who is treated by his or her parents in a way to fight for their goals, which
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
child
 is more likely to appreciate the
life
's blisses.
On the other hand
, telling
children
 to dedicate their all energy and time
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
future
 aims will put them under a lot of pressure, which may
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
 in
fraustration
Correct your spelling
frustration
 and reluctance about living. Admittedly,
this
 might be detrimental to a
child
's mental health.
Additionally
,
by
Change preposition
because of
show examples
this
 upbringing, minors may be vulnerable to thinking and focusing on nothing but
just
Rephrase
apply
show examples
their
future
life
 and
as a result
, they will not enjoy their present
life
.
To conclude
,
although
 there might be some advantages of telling
children
 to try hard which may lead
children
 to be successful and productive in
future
, there might be some drawbacks
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 action since it might damage a
child
's mental health or their
future
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
.
Submitted by sinabaghernia on

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task achievement
The essay contains some relevant main points, but these points need to be more fully extended and supported with specific examples. There is a lack of concrete examples to illustrate the advantages and disadvantages discussed.
coherence and cohesion
The overall structure of the essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, transitions between ideas could be smoother, and paragraphing could be more effectively used to separate different points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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