How do you think we can improve the quality of primary education in a country ?

Primary
education
is very important to any country. It helps to improve the economic and financial growth of the country. In the below
essay
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essay,
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we are going to discuss
on
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apply
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this
.
Firstly
, the current
edcation
Correct your spelling
education
system is very old and it was not updated
since
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for
show examples
long
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a long
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time, from my childhood we
are
Wrong verb form
have been
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looking
the
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at the
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same
study
pattern ans is too
oudated
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outdated
. So, I feel
its
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it's
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time to improve the
education
standards by changing the pattern and syllabus which we
are
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have been
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using
since
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for
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years. A student should start learning all the new era technologies and latest
improments
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improvements
in the industry
while
he or she
was
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is
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in
the
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apply
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school and college.
Government
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The government
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should bring
the
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apply
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new
ammendments
Correct your spelling
amendments
and improve the
study
system
according to
the
situations
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situation
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.
Secondly
, all the institutions and colleges are forcing the students to learn many useless things, or we can say, not so
usefull
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useful
content to the present
fast moving
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fast-moving
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society. They are focussing on results only, if a child
got
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gets
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better marks in
exam
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an exam
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,
then
the schools or colleges will use that to promote their institution and attract many young minds to fall
in
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into
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thair trap of chasing ranks. To make
education
usefull
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useful
from the
most
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apply
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primary level,
syllabus
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the syllabus
show examples
need
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needs
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to be
uptodate
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up-to-date
and there should be
balance
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a balance
show examples
in
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between
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theory and practicals from the early stages,
then
only kids will understand and they will get better exposure to the technologies and they will stand in the first to line to catch the past pased world.
Finally
, the
amout
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amount
of money
spending
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spent
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on students
now as days
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nowadays
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has become
the
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a
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major headache
to
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for
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parents. Because of the financial burdens, many people
discontinuing
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discontinue
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their
study
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studies
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and
facing
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face
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many difficulties in taking their
carrier
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career
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farword
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forward
. So, the
government
and the politecians
,
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apply
show examples
should make
necessary
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the necessary
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changes to the constitution to bring new
enducational
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educational
laws, By that new rules
government
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the government
show examples
have to look
in to
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into
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the
finacial
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financial
difficulties which every facing to complete their
study
, and make
education
affordabe
to
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for
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evry
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every
citizen.
To conclude
,
Government
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the Government
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have to bring new rules and change the complete
education
system.
New
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A new
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syllabus and updated pattern of training should be implemented , and they need to
dicrease
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decrease
increase
financial
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the financial
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burden on people and help them
to
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apply
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achieve their goals and
fullfill
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fulfil
their dreams.
Submitted by MUDUNDIVARMA on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the general topic but lacks some depth in the task response. More specific details and examples are needed to fully address the question about improving the quality of primary education.
coherence cohesion
While you have an introduction and conclusion, they could be clearer and more engaging. Your essay would benefit from a stronger thesis statement and a better summary of the main points in the conclusion to increase its impact.
coherence cohesion
The body paragraphs in your essay have relevant ideas, but the connection between them could be improved for better flow. There appears to be repetition and a lack of clear topic sentences that guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Your essay discusses potential improvements for primary education but often resorts to very general statements. You should aim to include more precise examples and explanations to illustrate your points better, making your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that hinder the clarity of your essay. Paying attention to grammar, punctuation, and more natural sentence construction would improve your score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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