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some people think that arts subjects such as Drama and Music are an important part of a school education. Others, however, think that they are a waste of time and resources. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #arts #subjects #drama #music #part #school #education #waste #time #resources
Nowadays, people argue about education issues especially the necessary
subjects
 in a school. Some people think that arts
subjects
such
 as Drama and Music are important.
However
, others believe these
subjects
 may be reduced from the course because of wasting
time
 and resources. They think the
time
 and resources should be used for other things better.
This
 essay will discuss both views. There are many convincing reasons why arts are essential.
Firstly
, balancing creative and logical thinking can develop student’s learning effectively.
For example
, in Physics, learners must imagine problems
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the pictures and draw something to understand them.
Then
, select the appropriate equation to solve them. If you had creative skills in arts, you would clarify problems more easily.
Secondly
, sketching, dancing, or singing are the best ways to relieve stress. Certainly, strain affects brain function directly and may contribute to emotional illnesses
such
 as insomnia, depression, or anxiety disorder. To manage it, relaxing
subjects
 are the key points. To illustrate, most children feel comfortable during the Music period because the analytic brain side rests and releases chemical hormones that humans feel better.
On the other hand
, there are good arguments for decreasing them.
Firstly
, they need to have expensive budgets to purchase instruments. So, it would be better if we could recede money for them and
invested
Wrong verb form
invest
show examples
 the
time
 and resources
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other education like learning media, school supplies or quality teachers.
Next,
all students can have relieving activities when they come back home.
Hence
, non-stress
subjects
 may be elective rather than compulsory in the course.
Moreover
, students can have more free
time
 to review the lesson or prepare themselves to
entrance
Replace the word
enter
show examples
 the university. To summarize, how we can answer the question depends on trading
off
Change preposition
apply
show examples
between working together on imaginative and theoretical thinking, relaxation, budgets, and individual activities. Personally, I believe balancing thinking is the first step to
understand
Change the verb form
understanding
show examples
 everything and so imaginative
subjects
 are one of the elements in it.
Submitted by noser074 on

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Conclusion
To further refine your essay, consider expanding your conclusion with a more definitive statement that encapsulates your personal stance and summaries the main arguments succinctly. This will ensure a powerful and memorable close.
Balance & Argumentation
Your essay commendably balances logical and creative elements, effectively arguing for the importance of arts in education and addressing counterpoints.
Use of Examples
You've done an exceptional job integrating clear examples to support your points, enhancing the overall persuasiveness of your essay.
Structure and Cohesion
Your writing demonstrates a strong structure, with a logical flow of ideas that aids in understanding and keeps the reader engaged.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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