some people think that arts subjects such as Drama and Music are an important part of a school education. Others, however, think that they are a waste of time and resources. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, people argue about education issues especially the necessary

subjects

in a school. Some people think that arts

subjects

such

as Drama and Music are important.

However

, others believe these

subjects

may be reduced from the course because of wasting

time

and resources. They think the

time

and resources should be used for other things better.

This

essay will discuss both views. There are many convincing reasons why arts are essential.

Firstly

, balancing creative and logical thinking can develop student’s learning effectively.

For example

, in Physics, learners must imagine problems

Change preposition

show examples

the pictures and draw something to understand them.

Then

, select the appropriate equation to solve them. If you had creative skills in arts, you would clarify problems more easily.

Secondly

, sketching, dancing, or singing are the best ways to relieve stress. Certainly, strain affects brain function directly and may contribute to emotional illnesses

such

as insomnia, depression, or anxiety disorder. To manage it, relaxing

subjects

are the key points. To illustrate, most children feel comfortable during the Music period because the analytic brain side rests and releases chemical hormones that humans feel better.

On the other hand

, there are good arguments for decreasing them.

Firstly

, they need to have expensive budgets to purchase instruments. So, it would be better if we could recede money for them and

invested

Wrong verb form

invest

show examples

the

time

and resources

Change preposition

show examples

other education like learning media, school supplies or quality teachers.

Next,

all students can have relieving activities when they come back home.

Hence

, non-stress

subjects

may be elective rather than compulsory in the course.

Moreover

, students can have more free

time

to review the lesson or prepare themselves to

entrance

Replace the word

enter

show examples

the university. To summarize, how we can answer the question depends on trading

off

Change preposition

apply

show examples

between working together on imaginative and theoretical thinking, relaxation, budgets, and individual activities. Personally, I believe balancing thinking is the first step to

understand

Change the verb form

understanding

show examples

everything and so imaginative

subjects

are one of the elements in it.

Submitted by noser074 on Fri Mar 29 2024

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Conclusion

To further refine your essay, consider expanding your conclusion with a more definitive statement that encapsulates your personal stance and summaries the main arguments succinctly. This will ensure a powerful and memorable close.

Balance & Argumentation

Your essay commendably balances logical and creative elements, effectively arguing for the importance of arts in education and addressing counterpoints.

Use of Examples

You've done an exceptional job integrating clear examples to support your points, enhancing the overall persuasiveness of your essay.

Structure and Cohesion

Your writing demonstrates a strong structure, with a logical flow of ideas that aids in understanding and keeps the reader engaged.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

324 words

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some people think that arts subjects such as Drama and Music are an important part of a school education. Others, however, think that they are a waste of time and resources. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The best way to solve the word’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In some time countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Since it is so easy to reach a large audience on the internet, people have to be exceptionally talented to become famous these days. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). ?to what extent do you agree or disagree?