IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

#people #experimentation #animals #discoveries #experiments #alternatives
The important scientific discoveries are made on the basis of
an experiments
Correct the article-noun agreement
experiments
an experiment
show examples
 done on the animals. It is said an
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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njustice
Correct your spelling
injustice
justice
 to them,
however
 without the experiment on them there is no way scientists can discover new things.
While
 considering new inventions,
for instance
,
discovery
Add an article
the discovery
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 of a vaccine. It is
intially
Correct your spelling
initially
 experimented on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals followed by humans. All the risk associated with losing life is put on the
ammals
Correct your spelling
mammals
animals
.
This
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
one way or the other is not fair. Most of the people argue that it has to be outlawed and give rights to the animals.
Whatsoever
Rephrase
However
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, when
comming
Verb problem
it comes
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 to risking their own life everyone backs down.
For example
, in 2020 when everyone feared dying of
COVID
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
, some rejected
COVID
Correct your spelling
the COVID-19
 vaccine even after the multiple experiments and trials
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 over. In
this
 context, where
Correct your spelling
people
prople
Correct your spelling
people
 are ignorant to get a jab after several successful trials, to go with other alternatives like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
experiment
Fix the agreement mistake
experiments
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 on
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 cannot proceed at all. The only alternative can be, to experiment on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
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 who can no longer survive like
brain dead
Add a hyphen
brain-dead
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 patients.
Such
 experiments are ongoing and will continue with it. Other than that, as I have mentioned earlier there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 no possible ways to use as a test kid.
To conclude
 my writing I would say that human dominance on earth cannot be subdued by other creatures.
Therefore
although
 an injustice to them, for survival of pre, the preditor must be fed on them.
Similarly
 human survival needs their life for the purpose.
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Your essay lacks a structured progression of ideas, and it is difficult to follow your argument as a result. Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to introduce the main idea, and follow this with supporting sentences that further explain or give examples relating to the topic sentence.
task achievement
You need to fully address all parts of the task to achieve a higher score. Although you discussed the morality of animal testing and hinted at alternatives, you did not explore these alternatives in-depth. Be sure to develop your ideas fully and give equal attention to all aspects of the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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