IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Most of world’s problems are caused by over population. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#world’s #population
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The line graph below gives data about changes in three various means of crime from 2003 till 2012 in Newport city centre. It is obvious that the figure
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
burglary
Use synonyms
 over the period shown stably goes down after 2004. In 2003 the primary amount of burglars was at about 3500,
while
Linking Words
 car thieves were 3000. In 2004
burglary
Use synonyms
 reached its peak with approximately 3750,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 car thievery was just more than it was and the robbery too.
The robbery
Correct article usage
Robbery
show examples
 and
burglary
Use synonyms
 were
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the bottom in 2008, the number of blamed ones
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 500 and 1100. In 2012, it can be seen that the number of robbers and car thieves
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 almost the same
with
Change preposition
as in
show examples
 2003, despite the changes
fared
Correct pronoun usage
that fared
show examples
 over the given period,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
burglary
Use synonyms
 decreased and showed
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good results with only 1500 offenders. #MADINA #REPORT1
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

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Introduction & Conclusion
The essay lacks an introduction that clearly presents the topic and outlines the structure of the essay. The conclusion is also missing, which is important to summarize the main points and state the writer's final thoughts on the subject matter.
Logical Structure
There is a distinct lack of coherence and cohesion within the essay. The data is presented in a disjointed manner, making it difficult for the reader to follow the progression of the crime rates over the years. It is important to logically organize the information, using paragraphs and linking phrases effectively.
Clear & Comprehensive Ideas
While you have provided some data from the graph, there is a need for clearer, more coherent expression of these ideas. Aim to present comprehensive ideas with comparisons where appropriate to enhance the response.
Relevant & Specific Examples
The essay requires the use of relevant and specific examples to support the main points. Include more detailed analysis and make use of data comparisons to strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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