Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar.
However
, a few people argue that overpricing the products
that contain sugar could impact on national budget. This
is because those products
also
pay a huge amount of tax. If individuals refuse to buy the
expensive Correct article usage
apply
products
, this
will be the reason for damaging the budget of a country. In other words
, a large portion of tax funds will not come from those companies.
In conclusion, although
increasing the price of sugary products
negatively affects the annual funds of a nation, it makes all individuals healthy and saves their money, too. In my opinion, all products
made up of sugar are sold as expensive as possible.Submitted by gwlvivek7 on
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Introduction
The essay lacks a clear introduction and fails to present the topic to the reader effectively. An introduction should provide a clear background and state the writer's main argument or opinion on the topic.
Development
Main ideas need to be developed more fully with supporting arguments, evidence, or examples. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea and be followed by supporting sentences that expand on that idea.
Coherence
The structure of the essay is difficult to follow due to a lack of clear progression and logical sequencing. Use cohesive devices and topic sentences at the start of paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument.
Task Response
To improve the task response, make sure to address all parts of the prompt fully. This includes constructing a balanced argument with a clear position throughout the response, as well as a conclusion that summarises the main points and restates your opinion.
Conclusion
Work on concluding your essay effectively by summarising your main points and clearly stating your stance or suggestion, which can serve to reinforce your argument and leave the reader with a strong final impression.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite