IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Society in several countries in the world
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
argue
Change the verb form
argues
show examples
 that having a landed
house
Use synonyms
 is
preferably
Replace the adverb
preferable
show examples
than rent
Change preposition
to renting
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain the reason behind
this
Linking Words
 perspective and explain why
this
Linking Words
 should be perceived as a positive trend.
Body paragraph 1
There are several possible
answer
Change to a plural noun
answers
show examples
why
Change preposition
to why
show examples
 buying a
house
Use synonyms
 is
consider
Change the form of the verb
considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a necessary thing.
First,
Linking Words
is because
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
 is an asset for
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 investment. The price of
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
 predicted can rise
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
apporximately
Correct your spelling
approximately
 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 every year.
Therefore
Linking Words
, owning a
house
Use synonyms
 is part of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 allocation
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 secure our money from inflation.
Secondly
Linking Words
, as the owner of the
house
Use synonyms
, a person
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
freedom
Add an article
the freedom
show examples
 to
decorating
Wrong verb form
decorate
show examples
 or
renovating
Wrong verb form
renovate
show examples
 their
house
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 renting,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they have a contract with the rental to
well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
maintain their asset.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Indonesia cost
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a
house
Use synonyms
 increased gradually
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 almost 30% in the
last
Linking Words
 10 years,
thus
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individual who allocate their money wisely
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 property could get unrealized gain.
Body paragraph 2
Having a private
house
Use synonyms
 should
be consider
Change the verb form
be considered
show examples
 as a positive development because
this
Linking Words
 is one parameter of a person can manage their money.
As a result
Linking Words
, if there are more people having a
house
Use synonyms
 in a country, undirectly, it could contribute increase
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 rate of
Add an article
the middle
show examples
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
 economy. The level of investing literacy
also
Linking Words
 could grow. To illustrate, the government of Indonesia have a
subsidies
Change the noun form
subsidy
show examples
 program for their citizen to get
lower
Add an article
a lower
the lower
show examples
 price of
Use synonyms
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
, with the objective is to decrease the level of homeless people.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Use synonyms
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
 is
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 property to have
and
Correct your spelling
any
show examples
 part of
long-term
Correct article usage
a long-term
show examples
 investment.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can increase the level of economy for a country. I,
therefore
Linking Words
, remain firmly
conviced
Correct your spelling
convinced
 that owning a
house
Use synonyms
 can
olny
Correct your spelling
only
 be seen as a positive development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear logical structure by using paragraphs effectively to separate and emphasize each point. Employ cohesive devices to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Make certain that your introduction sets the stage for your essay by clearly stating the topic and your stance on it. Similarly, the conclusion should summarily wrap up your arguments, restating your position in a way that's reflective of the evidence provided within the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with relevant, concrete examples to strengthen your argument. Examples should be specific rather than general, and they should closely relate to the point you are trying to make.
task achievement
Your essay should fully address the task prompt, meaning that all parts of the question should be answered, and your position should be clear throughout the essay.
task achievement
Ideas should be expressed clearly and comprehensively. Aim for precision in your language and avoid ambiguous statements that might confuse the reader.
task achievement
Utilize relevant examples that are specific and substantiate your arguments. Each example should be clearly linked to the point being discussed and seamlessly integrated into the text.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Homeownership
  • Property ladder
  • Real estate
  • Mortgage
  • Equity
  • Inflation hedge
  • Stability
  • Long-term investment
  • Asset
  • Liability
  • Housing market
  • Tenure
  • Down payment
  • Property taxes
  • Maintenance costs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: