IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Today‘s children are living under more pressure from the society than children in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#today‘s #children #pressure #society
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The line graph gives information about changes in different crime spheres in
city
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the city
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center
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centre
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 called Newport from 2003-2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, crimes related
with
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to
show examples
Use synonyms
burglarys
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burglary
burglaries
was
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were
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 by far the most common type of crime
commited
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committed
. In 2003
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burglarys
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burglaries
burglars
burglary
 had the highest number of
incident
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incidents
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by
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in
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compare
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comparison
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 with
two
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the two
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 other spheres. In 2004
burglarys
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 reached a peak. During three years it began to
decreasing
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decrease
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, and in 2008 it showed
the
Correct article usage
a
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 negligible figure for occasions which
were
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was
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 about 1.500 . The rest of
time
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the time
show examples
Use synonyms
burglarys
Correct your spelling
burglaries
burglars
burglary
 had
similar
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a similar
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 amount of
incident
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incidents
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like
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as
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 in 2008. At the beginning of
given
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the given
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period
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period,
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robberys
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robbery
robberies
was
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were
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 just under
the
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apply
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car theft. Car theft incidents were approximately 3.000 ,
while
Linking Words
 robbery was five times less. In 2006 both spheres started to
decreasing
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decrease
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. Till 2010 they had almost stable percent, but car theft started increasing,
in
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and in
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 the
end
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end,
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 it showed the same proportions
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the beginning. #Shaxrizada #REPORT1
Submitted by bekzodeshonjonovv on

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task achievement
You need to ensure that your essay addresses the topic presented and stays on subject throughout. The content provided does not match the given IELTS topic about the pressure faced by today's children compared to those in the past. Make sure to answer the given question directly and develop your response according to the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should include an introduction and a conclusion to frame your response effectively. Neither was present in the text provided. Make sure to include these essential components and use them to introduce your main points and summarize your arguments clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay must have a clear, logical structure that guides the reader through your points. It is important to have clear paragraphs, each dealing with a single aspect of the question. Also, transition words should be used for smooth flow between ideas.
task achievement
It is important to use specific examples that are relevant to the question to support each of your main points. The details you included about crime rates do not support a discussion about children's societal pressures; hence, they were not appropriate for this topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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