Many wild animals have become endangered. Why has this happened? What can the government do to stop this from continuting to happen?
In today's world, many species of wildlife have become endangered. Both terrestrial and marine
animals
are also
at risk. In this
essay, i
will look at the reasons why Change the capitalization
I
this
situation has happened and the government solutions make
an end Verb problem
to put
of
Change preposition
to
this
problem.
It is true that animals
have become threatened due to
human activity. People have hunted wild animals
for sport or for their body parts, such
as fur, horns, brains... Secondly
, they have destroyed natural
habitats of many species, not only for buildings but Correct article usage
the natural
also
for agricultural purposes. A notably
example is people Change the adverb
notable
damaged
the mountain forests where gorillas live, Correct pronoun usage
who damaged
cut
down the trees to build farms and towns. These gorillas had to live in a small area, Correct word choice
and cut
not
having enough food made them die out.
There are a lot of solutions that the government can do to prevent Correct word choice
and not
this
situation from continuting
to happen. First of all, they need to enact laws on hunting and killing wild Correct your spelling
continuing
animals
. Besides
, they also
need to give punishments to someone who violate
those laws, fine or penalty. Change the verb form
violates
Finally
, governments should build sanctuaries or zoos to conserve endangered species.
In conclusion, a lot of animals
have become extinct. We can say that hunting and habitat destruction are the main menaces
that many wild Fix the agreement mistake
menace
animals
face. The government can issue strick
laws or regulations, give punishments and build animal sanctuaries to bring Correct your spelling
strict
this
situation to an end . We should all act together to protect endangered animals
.Submitted by hoangmai140507 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay generally maintains a logical structure but could benefit from clearer paragraphing and better signalling of the transitions between ideas. Use a wider range of discourse markers to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved by clearly restating the essay topic in the introduction and succinctly summarizing the main points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
While main points are supported, the support could be further developed by providing more detailed explanations and a greater variety of examples. Avoid generalizations by citing specific instances or case studies.
task achievement
The response addresses the prompts, but you could expand on your ideas by providing more depth and development. Ensure that every paragraph serves a clear purpose and contributes to the overall argument or narrative.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant, but strive for more comprehensive explanations and clearer argumentation. Develop ideas fully before moving on to the next point.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The example provided regarding gorillas was a good start but including additional, varied examples would strengthen the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
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