Many wild animals have become endangered. Why has this happened? What can the government do to stop this from continuting to happen?

#animals #government

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In today's world, many species of wildlife have become endangered. Both terrestrial and marine

animals

are

also

at risk. In

this

essay,

Change the capitalization

show examples

will look at the reasons why

this

situation has happened and the government solutions

make

Verb problem

to put

show examples

an end

Change preposition

show examples

this

problem. It is true that

animals

have become threatened

due to

human activity. People have hunted wild

animals

for sport or for their body parts,

such

as fur, horns, brains...

Secondly

, they have destroyed

natural

Correct article usage

the natural

show examples

habitats of many species, not only for buildings but

also

for agricultural purposes. A

notably

Change the adverb

notable

show examples

example is people

damaged

Correct pronoun usage

who damaged

show examples

the mountain forests where gorillas live,

cut

Correct word choice

and cut

show examples

down the trees to build farms and towns. These gorillas had to live in a small area,

not

Correct word choice

and not

show examples

having enough food made them die out. There are a lot of solutions that the government can do to prevent

this

situation from

continuting

Correct your spelling

continuing

to happen. First of all, they need to enact laws on hunting and killing wild

animals

Besides

, they

also

need to give punishments to someone who

violate

Change the verb form

violates

show examples

those laws, fine or penalty.

Finally

, governments should build sanctuaries or zoos to conserve endangered species. In conclusion, a lot of

animals

have become extinct. We can say that hunting and habitat destruction are the main

menaces

Fix the agreement mistake

menace

show examples

that many wild

animals

face. The government can issue

strick

Correct your spelling

strict

show examples

laws or regulations, give punishments and build animal sanctuaries to bring

this

situation to an end . We should all act together to protect endangered

animals

Submitted by hoangmai140507 on Thu Dec 14 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

The essay generally maintains a logical structure but could benefit from clearer paragraphing and better signalling of the transitions between ideas. Use a wider range of discourse markers to enhance clarity.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved by clearly restating the essay topic in the introduction and succinctly summarizing the main points in the conclusion.

coherence cohesion

While main points are supported, the support could be further developed by providing more detailed explanations and a greater variety of examples. Avoid generalizations by citing specific instances or case studies.

task achievement

The response addresses the prompts, but you could expand on your ideas by providing more depth and development. Ensure that every paragraph serves a clear purpose and contributes to the overall argument or narrative.

task achievement

Your ideas are relevant, but strive for more comprehensive explanations and clearer argumentation. Develop ideas fully before moving on to the next point.

task achievement

Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The example provided regarding gorillas was a good start but including additional, varied examples would strengthen the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

246 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4
band
You would like to be work in a different city to be closer to your family. Write a letter to your employer to request a transfer to another office. In the letter: - Explain why you would like to move - Request that your employer place you in a specific city - Request that it be completed by a certain date
Dear Manager, Hope this letter finds you well. I am writing this letter to request you to relocate me to the Hyderabad, where my family resides.Firstly, I am extremely grateful for giving me the opportunity to work with this organization. I am with this organization from past 4 years in Bangalore. I would like you to consider me moving to Hyderabad city as my family stays there.As I had mention in our previous conversation that me and my wife is blessed with a baby boy last month. They both are doing well. But as we move on further she will be requiring my parenting support. Furthermore, she will be joining her office in coming month last week i.e. 24/12/2023. Consequently, We all know in today's modern world both parent are require to raise a kid.Hope to hear from you soonYours sincerelyAakash
<4
band
It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?
The matter of student not chosing science is more of a problem than one might consider. I believe the causes are somewhat in sight.
4.5
band
Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
In the present, organizations conduct their meetings, discussions and training programmes through online, and this has been proved by a research study. The benefits of online business gatherings offset the drawbacks of it. Reducing the cost of organizing and convenience of the relevant parties can be considered as the advantages, and they outweigh the disadvantage of issues in the internet connections.
5
band
Q. Giving lectures in auditoriums to large numbers of students is an old way of teaching. With the technology available today there is no justification for it, and everything should be done online. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your own opinion. Gneral topic -teaching way specific topics- auditorium/online way Completely agree - Advancement in technology provide more convenient method such as smart classes in the schools and practical labs to provide more information.
It is argued that in old times, many students used to learn from teachers in the auditoriums, where as today the way of teaching has been changed due to the developement of the technology and everything should be done online. I am totally agree with this because due to the technology , teachers can provide better education within a time period and students can listen to record lectures anytime.
5
band
Write a letter to friend to inform them of a celebration you are having for a recent job promotion.Include information about The promotion The celebration Their accommodation.
Surprisingly, I will have been a news about my job that you will have been so happy about

Many wild animals have become endangered. Why has this happened? What can the government do to stop this from continuting to happen?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society?

Research shows that business meetings, discussions and training are happening online nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Write a letter to friend to inform them of a celebration you are having for a recent job promotion.Include information about The promotion The celebration Their accommodation.