Many wild animals have become endangered. Why has this happened? What can the government do to stop this from continuting to happen?

#animals #government

In today's world, many species of wildlife have become endangered. Both terrestrial and marine

animals

are

also

at risk. In

this

essay,

Change the capitalization

show examples

will look at the reasons why

this

situation has happened and the government solutions

make

Verb problem

to put

show examples

an end

Change preposition

show examples

this

problem. It is true that

animals

have become threatened

due to

human activity. People have hunted wild

animals

for sport or for their body parts,

such

as fur, horns, brains...

Secondly

, they have destroyed

natural

Correct article usage

the natural

show examples

habitats of many species, not only for buildings but

also

for agricultural purposes. A

notably

Change the adverb

notable

show examples

example is people

damaged

Correct pronoun usage

who damaged

show examples

the mountain forests where gorillas live,

cut

Correct word choice

and cut

show examples

down the trees to build farms and towns. These gorillas had to live in a small area,

not

Correct word choice

and not

show examples

having enough food made them die out. There are a lot of solutions that the government can do to prevent

this

situation from

continuting

Correct your spelling

continuing

to happen. First of all, they need to enact laws on hunting and killing wild

animals

Besides

, they

also

need to give punishments to someone who

violate

Change the verb form

violates

show examples

those laws, fine or penalty.

Finally

, governments should build sanctuaries or zoos to conserve endangered species. In conclusion, a lot of

animals

have become extinct. We can say that hunting and habitat destruction are the main

menaces

Fix the agreement mistake

menace

show examples

that many wild

animals

face. The government can issue

strick

Correct your spelling

strict

show examples

laws or regulations, give punishments and build animal sanctuaries to bring

this

situation to an end . We should all act together to protect endangered

animals

Submitted by hoangmai140507 on Thu Dec 14 2023

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

The essay generally maintains a logical structure but could benefit from clearer paragraphing and better signalling of the transitions between ideas. Use a wider range of discourse markers to enhance clarity.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion are present but could be improved by clearly restating the essay topic in the introduction and succinctly summarizing the main points in the conclusion.

coherence cohesion

While main points are supported, the support could be further developed by providing more detailed explanations and a greater variety of examples. Avoid generalizations by citing specific instances or case studies.

task achievement

The response addresses the prompts, but you could expand on your ideas by providing more depth and development. Ensure that every paragraph serves a clear purpose and contributes to the overall argument or narrative.

task achievement

Your ideas are relevant, but strive for more comprehensive explanations and clearer argumentation. Develop ideas fully before moving on to the next point.

task achievement

Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. The example provided regarding gorillas was a good start but including additional, varied examples would strengthen the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

246 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
There is a debate over whether governments should invest their money in creative individuals such as artists or musicians. While others think it is a wasteful contribution due to the limited funds in the national treasury, I lean towards the positive side, believing that this investment can create more sources of income for the area.
7
band
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. You have just spent a weekend at a friend's house. When you returned home, you discovered that you had left a coat there. There are some important belongings in the pockets. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter explain that you have left the coat there say what the coat looks like, where you think you left it and what was in the pockets make some suggestions about how to get all of your belongings back You should write at least 150 words. You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Pat,
I'm just writing this letter to let you know that I left my coat at your place when I visited a few days ago.
7
band
Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Longer prison sentences are believed to be an effective method to reduce the number of crimes happening in society, whereas others argue that there is another way to decline the cases. In this essay, I will explain both of the opinions and discuss my own perspective.
5.5
band
In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
Across the globe, many individuals own guns for self-defence and recreational purposes. Gun related mortalities in households – in particular – throw the ethics of such forms of private gun ownership into sharp relief. In this essay, I shall appeal to crime statistics to argue that a person is at a far greater risk being shot if there is a gun in a household.
4.5
band
9. Some people prefer to be self-employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages Which is a better approach.
Certain people like to work as a employe for the goverment or any private company, on the other hand there are some people who preffer to establish their own business they do not like to serve their knowledge or abilities to the third persons business. In my opinion, running our own business or getting employed with any company and getting a fix salary on monthly basis would prove beneficial but also have some drawbacks.

Many wild animals have become endangered. Why has this happened? What can the government do to stop this from continuting to happen?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that longer prison sentences are the best way to decrease crime while others believe that there are alternative ways to decrease crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, the number of shootings increase because many people have guns at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

9. Some people prefer to be self-employed, whereas others like working for companies or institutions. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages Which is a better approach.