It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives.

In temporary
life
, given the high demand of
job’s
Change noun form
job
show examples
recruitment, risk-taking may take a crucial role, not only in professional
lives
but
also
in casual
lives
. Despite the fact that risk-taking is inherently jeopardized, taking calculated
risks
are extremely
Verb problem
is
show examples
essential for progress and success. In my opinion, facing struggles will bring more
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
opportunities that outweigh the drawbacks. On the first hand, taking
risks
may bring us to situations that we did not expect, involving financial losses, mental breakdown, etc.
While
being in your comfort zone will bring
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
you stable salaries, definitive consciousness,etc.
For instance
, the
life
of an average person is an ideal example, finish their studies, get a job, strive to buy a house, retire and die. Eventually, facing challenges often means making sacrifices,
such
as quitting your current occupation or leaving your hometown, which is not an easy choice for most of us who can trade off our property.
On the other hand
, taking
prospect
Replace the word
prospective
show examples
opportunities pushes individuals out of their casual
life
, forcing them to
developed
Change the form of the verb
develop
show examples
for adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
the changes to overcome
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obstacles. Even when risk-taking is always considered as an impulsive action, the benefits
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
to us are countless. In their personal
lives
, it may help them to think outside the box,
raising
Wrong verb form
raise
show examples
their creativity,
developing
Wrong verb form
and develop
show examples
essential skills
such
as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
leadership, communication, soft skills,etc. Amazon is a prime example of
this
development, when they combined the market with social media,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
journalist
Fix the agreement mistake
journalists
show examples
thought Jeff Bezos was foolish, but
then
he proved them wrong and Amazon became one of the most superb businesses in history. The same thing
happens
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
in my personal
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
, when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
perceived
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
as a straightforward thing when most of my peers
think
Wrong verb form
thought
show examples
it
requires
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
a bunch of time to get a high GPA,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
did the opposite thing - I skipped most of my sessions and just focused on
knowledge
Add an article
the knowledge
show examples
which may occur in my exams. Taking
risks
simply means turning the struggles into opportunities or embracing changes,
for example
, can open doors to new professional and personal growth. In conclusion, proponents of social society may say that risk-taking includes many potential and
jeopardizes
Correct subject-verb agreement
jeopardize
show examples
disadvantages. Personal,
professional
Correct word choice
and professional
show examples
lives
,
self-development
Correct word choice
and self-development
show examples
are
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
vital
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
contribute to
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
and completed
life
,
that
Correct word choice
and that
show examples
is why we should take
risks
to thrive in
life
.
Submitted by quocanhtran1804 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The introduction should introduce the topic and your thesis statement, the body should contain your main points supported by examples, and the conclusion should summarize your ideas and restate your thesis.
coherence cohesion
Develop the logical flow of your essay. The paragraphs should connect smoothly with transition words or phrases. It's important to move from one idea to another in a way that is easy for the reader to follow.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples. Instead of general statements, use clear and relevant examples to illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Completely address the task by covering all parts of the prompt in sufficient detail. Make sure your response is relevant to the question asked and you are not reiterating the same point.
task achievement
Present clear and comprehensive ideas related to the topic. Avoid ambiguity and strive for clarity in your argumentation and the points you make. Be sure to explain how each point supports your overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary to convey precise meanings and avoid repetition of words and ideas. This not only demonstrates your language ability but also makes your writing more interesting to read.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: