IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

People think that government should increase the cost of fuel for cars and other vehicles to solve environmental problems. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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The biggest
problem
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 of our circumstances is caused by pollutants from
cars
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 and other
vehicles
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. Many communities believe that the best solution to the
problem
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 is to raise the price of petrol. I agree that increasing the
cost
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 of fuel will impact to reduce greenhouse gas emissions and
air
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 pollution,
however
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, that policy can affect lower-income people in a
country
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.
First,
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when the
government
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 increases the
cost
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 of fuel for
cars
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 and other
vehicles
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 that will have the fanacy of the
country
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. My
country
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 can reduce the financial burden and have more items to develop the
country
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.
Second,
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if the
government
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 does that, it will decrease the use of
vehicles
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, and reducing the
problem
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 of
air
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 pollution is urgent today.
For example
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, Ha Noi is one of the most
air
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-polluted cities in the world in recent days, so when the
government
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 gives a law on
this
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problem
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 it will be solved. But the environmental problems are more, not only
air
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 pollution so that when the
government
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 increases the
cost
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 of fuel for
cars
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 and other
vehicles
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, it will cause new problems.
This
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problem
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 is about poverty, as the
government
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 does it the poor do not have enough money to pay the expensive
cost
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, and puts a burden on them.
Moreover
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, it is necessary to raise community awareness of the serious consequences of environmental degradation.
To conclude
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, Increasing ammunition prices can encourage crowds to abandon personal
cars
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 for public transportation, perhaps reducing
air
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 pollutants and gas emissions.
However
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, the higher gasoline price will increase the purchasing power of lower-income communities in a
country
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.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear thesis statement in the introduction. This would maintain a coherent argument throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to better organize the essay and enhance its logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Develop ideas more thoroughly, providing clear, extended, and relevant examples that back up the main points made.
task achievement
Make sure to address all parts of the task and provide a balanced perspective on the issue with a clear position throughout the essay.
task achievement
Craft more comprehensive ideas that are explained and detailed. This helps demonstrate a full understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Provide specific examples from real-life situations or credible sources to substantiate your arguments, which increases essay credibility.
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