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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think they have the right to use as much fresh water they want, but others believe government should control the use of freshwater as it is a limited resource.

#people #right #water #government #control #resource
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In our modern life, the majority of individuals prefer to use as much as fresh
water
while
Correct word choice
possible while
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 others point out that local government ought to control the utility of potable
water
 since it is a non-refundable resource. In my point of view, human beings need to protect the need to protect irrecoverable
this
 wealth. On the one hand, some claim that unlimited access to
freshwater
Correct your spelling
fresh water
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 is a basic human right. Their rationale is that uncontaminated
water
 is fundamental to the existence of human beings as it is essential for everyday needs, including drinking, cleaning and farming, and
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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 denying people
such
 a natural entitlement triggers great suffering and distress.
Although
 the pivotal role of
water
 is irrefutable, I disagree that people should be permitted to use as much
water
 as they want since
this
 endorses the wastage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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already scarce and dwindling safe
water
 supplies.
On the other hand
, others consider that
water
 usage should be closely governed by the authorities. I concur with
this
 view because promoting
water
 preservation aside,
water
 restriction regulations avert inequitable and unjust access to
water
of
Change preposition
for
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 all members of the population.
In other words
, if the government did not introduce a rigid cap on
water
 consumption, impoverished communities, especially those residing in
water
-stressed regions
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 would be faced with risks of
water
 deficits
due to
 their low buying power
while
 more endowed families could exploit and even squander the limited
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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. In conclusion,
while
 there is no doubt that freshwater is vital to the survival of humankind, l do not agree that people should have unrestricted access to it.
Instead
, it is suggested that the use of
water
 be carefully managed by the states to ensure
water
 conservation and fair distribution.
Submitted by abdullayevaguli992 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next. Use a range of cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good. However, make them more impactful by clearly stating your thesis in the introduction and summarizing your main points in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Use data or hypothetical scenarios to make your arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
To achieve a higher band for task achievement, ensure that all parts of the prompt are fully addressed. Expand your ideas more comprehensively.
task achievement
Make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive by defining key terms and providing in-depth analysis of the issues you raise.
task achievement
Add more relevant and specific examples to support your claims. This can involve citing credible sources or presenting case studies that align with your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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