Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many factories and companies try to introduce their stuff by advertising.
On the other hand
, maybe they want to encourage customers to choose them
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
way. Some
people
believe advertising is extremely successful at persuading us for shopping.
However
, other
people
think it is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. These days advertisements do not rely on television, radio or other media.
Farther more
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
show examples
, they have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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fixed their places in the billboards around the city,
pops-up
Correct your spelling
pops up
show examples
in
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on
show examples
the Internet or flyers
every where
Correct your spelling
everywhere
show examples
. In the
last
decade
Add a comma
decade,
show examples
advertising was more popular among the
people
. But, in our
era
Add a comma
era,
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
have become aware
about
Change the preposition
of
show examples
the politics of adverts there. fore, they prefer to choose their needs by their own knowledge and
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
experience ,who are honest.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
the other hand, sometimes these adverts are
extreamly
Correct your spelling
extremely
powerful to gain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
and evaluate our desire to choose them but in our
perid
Correct your spelling
period
of
time
Add a comma
time,
show examples
it become rare.
To sum up
,
although
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertising
is become
Change to the active voice
becomes
has become
show examples
temporary that we no longer pay attention to it, But, we should not ignore
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
power
at persuading
Change preposition
to persuade
show examples
us. We should be intelligent and aware to keep our
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
out of them.
Submitted by yazdanpanah_71 on

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Introduction & Conclusion
It is essential to provide a clear introduction that presents the viewpoints and your own position on the topic. Your essay lacked a strong thesis statement and a structured conclusion, which affected the overall clarity of your argument. To improve, always include a concise thesis statement and a summarizing conclusion.
Coherence
The coherence of your essay can be significantly improved by organizing ideas more logically and using a range of cohesive devices. This will help establish clear relationships between sentences and paragraphs. Make sure each paragraph has a main idea and avoid repetitive statements.
Task Achievement
The essay could benefit from the use of concrete examples to support each viewpoint. Including specific evidence or scenarios can greatly strengthen the argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic. Aim to include at least one relevant example per viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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