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Band 3

some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. discuss both viewers and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place #viewers
some individuals present the view
children
 should be
teached
Correct your spelling
taught
show examples
 in
home
Add an article
the home
a home
show examples
.
whereas
, others think that they should learn in school. I strongly agree with the former opinion which the best place to learn the basis of
train
Add an article
the train
show examples
 is home. on the one hand, some people justifiably agree that
parents
 are able to train
children
 to grow up as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
useful and good
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in society. it is certainly true that
parents
 are responsible
how
Change preposition
for how
show examples
 they treat their
children
. because
children
mimics
Change the verb form
mimic
show examples
 their
parents
' behaviour when they
bring
Wrong verb form
are brought
show examples
 up in the world.
on the other hand
, another group of people claim that learning in school should provide the best way of a good human being. they insist that
parents
 don't have enough time to teach. their
children
 since they work until night.
however
, I don't find
this
 argument convincing as most
parents
 are out but they should provide a plan to do their role in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
approperiate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
 well. it means they should be able to be a good worker and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
parents
 ,
simultenously
Correct your spelling
simultaneously
.
to conclude
, in my view , the
effective
Correct quantifier usage
most effective
show examples
 and
inspired
Replace the word
inspiring
show examples
 one in life is the behaviour of
parents
. the
children
 spend a lot of time with them. since they try to mimic from an early age till they are growing up.
moreover
,
parents
 can design a plan to do their responsibility
as well as
 do their work.
Submitted by zahrashirzadnia75 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure all paragraphs are well-structured with clear topic sentences and logical sequences. Consider the use of connectors for smoother transitions between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on constructing well-developed arguments with clear topic sentences, followed by explanation, evidence, and examples.
Task Achievement
The essay should fully address all parts of the task, have a clear position throughout the response, and conclude with a summary of the main points discussed and your opinion.
Task Achievement
Clearly outline your main ideas and ensure they are comprehensively developed. Avoid general statements and strive to support your points with specific details or examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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