IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people suggest that the government should spend money putting more works of art like paintings and statues into towns and cities to make them attractive places. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #government #money #works #art #paintings #statues #towns #cities #places
It is believed that the government should allocate
budget
Correct article usage
a budget
show examples
 for
work
Fix the agreement mistake
works
show examples
 of art
such
 as paintings and
statues
 in order to improve images of towns and cities. Personally, I totally agree with
this
 view and
this
 essay will outline some reasons behind it.
Firstly
, putting paintings and
statues
 in
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 and
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 will enhance
working
Correct article usage
the working
show examples
 performance of citizens.
For example
, some companies put
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
 paintings in their workplace to make a better working environment for employees, which will make them feel more
relax
Wrong verb form
relaxed
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 and more
focus
Replace the word
focused
show examples
 on their work.
Therefore
,
this
 can boost the efficiency and the performance of employees.
Secondly
, attracting lots of visitors to
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
 and
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 will increase the country’s revenue.
For instance
,
Mona
Correct article usage
the Mona
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 Lisa is a famous painting and it is
put
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in
local
Add an article
the local
a local
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 museum in Paris with lots of ancient
statues
 and relics. So many people want to visit that museum to capture the beauty of that painting and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 old
statues
 as well.
As a result
, there is a significant rise in Paris’s
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 by selling tickets for visitors. In conclusion, the increase in finance and the quality
work
Change preposition
of work
show examples
 of citizens are two main factors contributing to the reasons why the government should spend money on art. I firmly believe that the more arts in town and city, the more popular it could be.
Submitted by hellomynameisdang on

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Introduction and Conclusion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clearly defined and effectively bookend the essay. The conclusion in your essay could be improved by reiterating your viewpoint and summarizing the main points more distinctively.
Paragraphing and Cohesion
Develop each main point in distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences, and make sure that each paragraph flows logically to the next. Connect your ideas using a variety of linking words and cohesive devices to enhance readability.
Support and Examples
More attention is needed to fully extend and support your main points with relevant, specific examples. Examples should be developed to sufficiently illustrate your arguments and demonstrate a clear relationship to the main idea of the paragraph.
Task Response
A clear position must be presented and maintained throughout the essay. Support your arguments with specific reasons and examples. Avoid being repetitive, and ensure that each sentence contributes to your overall argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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