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Band 4

These days, in many countries, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers, particularly in secondary schools. What are the reasons for this? How could more people be encouraged to come into the teaching profession? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #teachers #schools #profession
These days, the number of people who are willing to regard teaching as their considering job is decreasing
quickly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
gradually. There are several reasons why youngsters prefer other careers and
also
 a few ways to encourage them to come into
teaching
Add an article
the teaching
show examples
 profession.
To begin
 with, the issue that people now are not keen on teaching
orginates
Correct your spelling
originates
 from many impacts. The first disadvantage of being a teacher
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in middle school is
low
Correct article usage
the low
show examples
salary
. Absolutely, youngsters who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 high ambition will be not motivated and
inspirated
Correct your spelling
inspired
 enough to become
teachers
 without a proper income because compared to being a teacher, now many other jobs can offer them more
salary
 which commensurate with the effort they put in.
Secondly
,
this
 job is not only unattractive to people because of ít
salary
 but
also
 not suitable for those who have
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
patient
Replace the word
patience
show examples
 and and psychological to understand their students, especially students at the ages of 10-15.
Teenagersat
Correct your spelling
Teenagers at
Teenagers
this
 age
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 going through a rough patch,
as a
result
Add the comma(s)
result,
show examples
 they have hormones that affect their moods and emotions.
This
 behaviour
also
 affects the studying process for
teachers
 as well. To solve
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
, we should offer solutions to motivate employees.
Firstly
, the government must raise wages and provide a bonus structure. I believe that raised
salary
 and performance-based bonuses can be very effective in motivating
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
.
Secondly
, another great way is providing more useful benefits for
teachers
such
 as support packages,
minimizing
Correct word choice
and minimizing
show examples
 insurance premiums...
Furthermore
, school authorities should offer long-term mental help support for
teachers
.
For example
, they really can create teacher’s groups where they can support each other. In final words, there are lots of reasons why the teaching profession is becoming less and less popular. Understanding that, we must take timely measures to minimize
this
 situation
Submitted by thaonguyen19808 on

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Introduction/Conclusion
The essay introduction needs to set the scene more clearly. Both the introduction and conclusion should clearly paraphrase the prompt without errors. Try to avoid issues like 'considering job' which should be 'considered career' or simply 'career choice'. Ensure the conclusion succinctly summarizes the essay's main points.
Logical Structure
The essay meanders a bit, jumping from the issue of salaries to the personal traits needed for teaching without much warning. Logical connectors and clearer topic sentences should be used to signal when one point ends and another begins. Avoid language errors in key connecting phrases.
Main Points
There's repetition in the main points; salaries are mentioned several times. Focus on making each main point unique and fully explored before moving to the next. Also, expand upon these points by offering well-developed reasoning and including examples that are directly relevant to the problems or solutions outlined.
Complete Response
The response is on topic, but doesn't provide a full answer to the question. For instance, it could further elaborate on the possible solutions with examples from current educational systems or successful case studies.
Comprehensive Ideas
The ideas are related to the topic, but they are not explained thoroughly. They lack comprehensive development throughout, and could benefit from more detailed layers of explanation, clear progression, and specific examples to demonstrate their enormity.
Specific Examples
The essay lacks specific examples to illustrate points. It mentions general ideas about salaries and benefits but does not provide concrete examples or case studies, which would make the argument more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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