for old children the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write how far do you agree with this suggestion?
Nowdays
many people believe that learning is not only reading and writing but Correct the word
Nowadays
aldo
learning about musical Correct your spelling
also
instruments
however
i
completely and firmly agree with Change the capitalization
I
this
statement and in this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
i
will examine the importance of learning musical Change the capitalization
I
instruments
.
To begin
there are some compulsory Subjects at school that you have to study them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
containing
reading,writing and learning musical Verb problem
including
instruments
This
skill will be beneficial for students as there is no certainty about what kind of job student
Correct article usage
a student
weill
get in future But by learning musical Correct your spelling
will
instruments
pupils can Get higher possibility that they will get money in future And be successful even if they will not be employed by companies For instance
, a pianist can earn money just from a show As a result
people can get a good chance to improve their lives.
The next reason why Learning music
all
Correct word choice
and all
instruments
can be helpful Is to reduce and release a
Remove the article
apply
stress
in modern error society is getting easier to be stressed due to
the pressures and the competitive world And by having good skills in music
, youngsters and children
can entertain themselves. And as a result
, their stress
will decrease. For instance
, by playing music
, they can control their stress
about things like exams, homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
and
etc. So they can focus more on their studies and boost their moods.
Correct word choice
apply
Furthermore
, many children
still do not have enough control on
their language and literature and cannot express their Change preposition
over
feelings
well, but Music
is a suitable language for these. Many children
do not have the ability to fully express their feelings
, and this
problem hurts them in many situations and they do not succeed in expressing their feelings
. However
, playing a musical instrument and the music
is a good language for them. Which not
only in childhood but Correct pronoun usage
Not
also
in adulthood, can help them so that They don't get in trouble to express
more serious Change preposition
for expressing
Feelings
and problems that
is
even hard to express Change the verb form
are
them
by writing. Namely when you love someone. So it is one of the best ways to express and describe the feeling.
Correct pronoun usage
apply
To sum
up
learning musical Add a comma
up,
instruments
can bring benefits to society, such
as providing greater
possibility of earning money Correct article usage
a greater
besides
being an employee. Moreover
, learning a musical instrument can reduce stress
and the
Correct article usage
apply
last
but not the
least, It Correct article usage
apply
helped
to describe an expert's Wrong verb form
helps
feelings
having considered
the advantages. I am strongly convinced that learning a musical instrument is a wise decision for Wrong verb form
considering
children
and it is as important as reading and writing.Submitted by amirali764209 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay shows an attempt at organizing ideas, but the development of points is uneven throughout, with some paragraphs better explained than others. Ensure each main point is expanded upon evenly.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack a clear thesis statement and conclusive summary. The introduction should explicitly state the overall point of view and the conclusion should effectively summarize the main points of the argument.
task achievement
While the main points supporting the importance of learning musical instruments are present, the arguments could be better supported with specific, real-world examples to illustrate the points made.
task achievement
The response to the prompt is complete; however, the ideas could be expressed more comprehensively. Work on refining each paragraph with a clearer focus on the specific aspect of the importance of learning a musical instrument being discussed.
task achievement
The response touches on relevant examples, but they are not fully developed or particularly specific. Integrate concrete examples or statistics to substantiate claims.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.