for old children the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write how far do you agree with this suggestion?

#children #ability #instrument #suggestion

Nowdays

Correct the word

Nowadays

show examples

many people believe that learning is not only reading and writing but

aldo

Correct your spelling

also

learning about musical

instruments

however

Change the capitalization

show examples

completely and firmly agree with

this

statement and in

this

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

Change the capitalization

show examples

will examine the importance of learning musical

instruments

To begin

there are some compulsory Subjects at school that you have to study

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

containing

Verb problem

including

show examples

reading,writing and learning musical

instruments

This

skill will be beneficial for students as there is no certainty about what kind of job

student

Correct article usage

a student

show examples

weill

Correct your spelling

will

get in future But by learning musical

instruments

pupils can Get higher possibility that they will get money in future And be successful even if they will not be employed by companies

For instance

, a pianist can earn money just from a show

As a result

people can get a good chance to improve their lives. The next reason why Learning

music

all

Correct word choice

and all

show examples

instruments

can be helpful Is to reduce and release

Remove the article

apply

show examples

stress

in modern error society is getting easier to be stressed

due to

the pressures and the competitive world And by having good skills in

music

, youngsters and

children

can entertain themselves. And

as a result

, their

stress

will decrease.

For instance

, by playing

music

, they can control their

stress

about things like exams,

homeworks

Correct your spelling

homework

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

etc. So they can focus more on their studies and boost their moods.

Furthermore

, many

children

still do not have enough control

Change preposition

over

show examples

their language and literature and cannot express their

feelings

well, but

Music

is a suitable language for these. Many

children

do not have the ability to fully express their

feelings

, and

this

problem hurts them in many situations and they do not succeed in expressing their

feelings

However

, playing a musical instrument and the

music

is a good language for them.

Which not

Correct pronoun usage

Not

show examples

only in childhood but

also

in adulthood, can help them so that They don't get in trouble

to express

Change preposition

for expressing

show examples

more serious

Feelings

and problems

that

Change the verb form

are

show examples

even hard to express

them

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

by writing. Namely when you love someone. So it is one of the best ways to express and describe the feeling.

To sum

Add a comma

up,

show examples

learning musical

instruments

can bring benefits to society,

such

as providing

greater

Correct article usage

a greater

show examples

possibility of earning money

besides

being an employee.

Moreover

, learning a musical instrument can reduce

stress

and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

last

but not

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

least, It

helped

Wrong verb form

helps

show examples

to describe an expert's

feelings

having

considered

Wrong verb form

considering

show examples

the advantages. I am strongly convinced that learning a musical instrument is a wise decision for

children

and it is as important as reading and writing.

Submitted by amirali764209 on Thu Dec 14 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay shows an attempt at organizing ideas, but the development of points is uneven throughout, with some paragraphs better explained than others. Ensure each main point is expanded upon evenly.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack a clear thesis statement and conclusive summary. The introduction should explicitly state the overall point of view and the conclusion should effectively summarize the main points of the argument.

task achievement

While the main points supporting the importance of learning musical instruments are present, the arguments could be better supported with specific, real-world examples to illustrate the points made.

task achievement

The response to the prompt is complete; however, the ideas could be expressed more comprehensively. Work on refining each paragraph with a clearer focus on the specific aspect of the importance of learning a musical instrument being discussed.

task achievement

The response touches on relevant examples, but they are not fully developed or particularly specific. Integrate concrete examples or statistics to substantiate claims.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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14Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
24Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

420 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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for old children the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write how far do you agree with this suggestion?

Word Count

People who decide on a career path early in their lives and keep to it are more likely to have a satisfying working life than those who change jobs frequently. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

you are applying for a job and need a letter of reference. Write a letter to a former teacher. In your letter: Give details of the job Explain why it is important to you Suggest what information your teacher could put in the reference

Some people think that job satisfaction is more important than job security. Others think that people cannot expect to enjoy a job and that having a permanent job is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The plans below show a student accommodation building in 2010 and now.