IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
People
Use synonyms
 believe advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and will explain why in the following essay
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I believe every brand before launching the
product
Use synonyms
 first they
think
Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
show examples
 about increase the selling.
Influance
Correct your spelling
Influenced
people
Use synonyms
 to know and buy our
product
Use synonyms
 by advertising. In the modern era like now, advertising is not only by
magazine
Fix the agreement mistake
magazines
show examples
 or
newspapper
Correct your spelling
newspaper
. Every social
media
Use synonyms
 can be
use
Change the form of the verb
used
show examples
 to
advertising
Wrong verb form
advertise
show examples
 the
product
Use synonyms
. I believe every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a smartphone and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 social
media
Use synonyms
 like
instagram
Change the capitalization
Instagram
show examples
, facebook , twitter
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.
Body paragraph 2
And
Correct word choice
Second
show examples
second,
Linking Words
advertising on social
media
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
brand
Correct article usage
the brand
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 know about
brand
Add an article
the brand
show examples
product
Use synonyms
 and
more selling
Wrong verb form
sell
show examples
Use synonyms
product
Correct article usage
the product
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, when we scroll Instagram or Facebook but advertising about clothes or
jewerly
Correct your spelling
jewellery
is appear
Wrong verb form
appears
show examples
 on display, I believe
people
Use synonyms
interested
Add a missing verb
are interested
show examples
to click
Change preposition
in clicking
show examples
 the advertising
on screen
Add a hyphen
on-screen
show examples
 display. After
people
Use synonyms
 know about
th
Correct your spelling
the
Body paragraph 3
e
product
Use synonyms
 and interested
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that, I think
people
Use synonyms
encourages
Change the verb form
encourage
show examples
 to buy that
product
Use synonyms
 but they really do not
need
Correct pronoun usage
need it
show examples
.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement some
people
Use synonyms
 say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need.
Because advertising
Correct word choice
Advertising
show examples
 can appear on social
media
Use synonyms
 and I believe many
people
Use synonyms
 have social
media
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their smartphone

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure, making it challenging for the reader to follow your argument. It's essential to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the topic with appropriate supporting sentences.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion of your essay require significant improvement. Both should frame your argument, with the introduction setting out your thesis and the conclusion summarizing the points made and reiterating your position.
task achievement
Your essay presents a basic response to the task, though the ideas could be more developed. It would be beneficial to expand on each point with solid arguments and examples. Assertions should be backed up by more than generalizations for a stronger response.
task achievement
Your ideas need to be presented more clearly and comprehensively. Work on expressing your thoughts in a well-organized manner, ensuring each point is thoroughly explained and connects logically to your overall argument.
task achievement
You need to include more specific examples to support your arguments. Referencing real-life scenarios or statistics can significantly strengthen your essay by showing the actual impact of advertising on purchase behavior.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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