The use of social media, e.g. Facebook and Twitter, is replacing face-to-face contact for many people in everyday life. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
These days, face-to-face
communication
is replaced by online communication
with
using social Change preposition
apply
media
such
as Facebook and Twitter. In my opinion, the prevalence of it in communication
has many significant benefits.
First of all, online community limitations still exist. One downside of that is
social networks creates
a feeling of superficiality and isolation in Correct subject-verb agreement
create
relationships
. While
face-to-face allows everyone to connect real feelings, online contact can lead to the deterioration of meaningful relationships
between individuals. However
, this
negative impact can be minimized if individuals try to reach a balance between virtual and physical communication
. This
is really crucial to maintain
healthy Wrong verb form
maintaining
relationships
, relaxed
spirit and Correct article usage
a relaxed
sense
of community.
Correct article usage
a sense
On the other hand
, digital communication
tools provide numerous benefits related to connection and information availability. One advantage of social media
is that it is a method of connecting with friends, family, and relatives. For instance
, overseas students can talking
with each other through the video call feature of Skype or other apps which traditional Change the verb form
talk
be talking
communication
cannot. This
leads to improved social connections. Another benefit of social media
is that it enhances information accessibility. For example
, Twitter play
a role as a news source about events all around the world and Change the verb form
plays
updated
in Add a missing verb
is updated
real time
.
In conclusion, Add a hyphen
real-time
although
using social media
cannot bring authenticity as face-to-face can, these social networking platforms serve as powerful tools to help improve relationships
, especially long-distance and facilitate the exchange of knowledge. When everyone learn
how to use social networks consciously, I strongly believe Change the verb form
learns
this
development will offers
more benefits.Change the verb form
offer
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coherence cohesion
Your essay shows a good level of cohesion and logic in the way the ideas are arranged. However, there are instances where transitional phrases could be used more effectively to guide the reader from one point to the next and to improve the connection between ideas.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more clearly defined and concise. The thesis statement could be stronger, and the conclusion could do better at summarizing the main points made throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
You should try to develop your main points further with more specific examples. The use of particular real-world scenarios or studies can significantly bolster an argument. Ensure that the examples provided are directly relevant to the advantages and disadvantages being discussed.
task achievement
Your response addresses the task, providing some balance in the discussion of advantages and disadvantages. However, further development of ideas is needed to make your argument more comprehensive and nuanced.
task achievement
The clarity and development of ideas are lacking at certain points in the essay. Strive for clear, well-developed ideas that are explained and supported by specific examples or evidence. Avoid generalizations and make your ideas as specific as possible to the question prompt.
task achievement
The essay could be significantly improved by providing more relevant and specific examples that support the claims made. The lack of specificity might suggest a superficial understanding of the topic. Incorporate examples that demonstrate a deeper engagement with the subject matter.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...