The charts below give information about levels of education in Glasgow, a city in Scotland, in 2010.

The charts below give information about levels of education in Glasgow, a city in Scotland, in 2010.
The histogram
prove
Verb problem
shows
show examples
the data about
education
levels
by age range in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Scotland in 2010;
whereas
, the pie chart
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
education
levels
by gender during the same period.
Overall
,
it is clear that
the student with
range
Correct article usage
a range
show examples
age from 24-35
years
old was by the far most popular ages by the level of
education
.
In addition
, the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
school
certificate
Fix the agreement mistake
certificates
show examples
who
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
elderly are
more lowest
Correct word choice
less
show examples
than another ages.
According to
pie
Add an article
the pie
a pie
show examples
chart, the
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
degree who
age
Correct your spelling
are
show examples
between 24
until
Correct word choice
and
show examples
35
years
old are more highest
Change preposition
than then
show examples
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
item
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
at 76 %.
Moreover
, the
teeneger
Correct your spelling
teenage
and the
adulth
Correct your spelling
adult
years
of the
education
levels
are as
similarly
Change the word
similar
show examples
number as the university
deegre
Correct your spelling
degree
of
education
levels
is at 71%.
However
, the lowest number of
erderly
Correct your spelling
elderly
orderly
years
school
certificat
Correct your spelling
certificate
is lowest than
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
items
levels
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
. Regarding to pie chart, the university degree of
education
level who is men are most highest than women at 32%;
whereas
, the women of the
education
levels
from non qualifications were highest than men at 38%.
However
, the
similarly
Change the adverb
similar
show examples
data of gender who are school certificate at 33%.
Submitted by musa.nuwa on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, similarly, whereas".
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, levels, years with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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