Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In the modern world, many
parents
want to watch their children
carefully to make sure that they're doing right. But others think that it is better to let their sons or daughters be more free. From my perspective, I believe we should mix two kinds of methods into a moderate level, and in this
essay, I will discuss it clearly.
With the speed of development, there are a lot of new benefits for people, but it also
means that harmful things
will come along as well. Granted, many parents
are thinking
that it is necessary to have a close supervisor on their Wrong verb form
think
children
to make sure they stay away from all bad things
. For example
, if they are too permissive, their little boys or girls will be tempted by bad friends which leads to bad performances in school, or disobeying them, additionally
, those parents
do not want their children
to be addicted to adverse things
like video games, drugs, etc. However
, these kinds of concerns gradually turn into being over essential which is now in some families, kids are even not allowed to go out to have fun with their friends, always have to stay at home to study, or even have cameras in their own bedroom which all affects badly on their societal and private characteristics. According to
these factors, It is unreasonable to control their children
overwhelmingly.
On the other hand
, Being too permissive may have an impact as bad as strict supervision as well. For instance
, the most of committed adolescents today mostly come from the lack of parents
' attention. At this
point, while
their parents
are too busy or have little time to take care of them, this
causes them to feel lonely, bored, and desperate due to
the shortage of love, then
they may go out to look for others' attention, who are mostly bad from the same circumstances. Besides
, at the teenage age, parents
need to watch them clearly to ensure they're choosing a good path in their life and not committing any bad things
. So In both of
perspectives, I think it is important that Change preposition
apply
parents
matching two methods can have the best approach to teach and guide them to have a good life. While
being too permissive or strict seems to not be an effective way
, simultaneously being strict and easy with children
at the right time and moment might be the best way
.
In conclusion, having a close supervisor on children
may not have any benefits but reducing their ability to develop societal skills, and being too easy to them is also
more likely to lead them on a bad path. Hence
, it is wiser to be
a moderate Verb problem
use
way
to teach children
in a good way
.Submitted by nguyenhuyhoa1506 on
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Example
Try to introduce more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and grounded.
Sentence Structure
Work on varying your sentence structures to enhance the flow and readability of your text. This includes using a mix of simple, compound, and complex sentences.
Thesis Statement
Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction that reflects your overall opinion. This way, your position will be clear from the beginning.
Paragraphing
In each paragraph, start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. This helps in maintaining a logical progression of ideas.
Task Response
You have successfully discussed both views presented in the prompt, providing a balanced perspective.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion, offering a clear standpoint on the issue.
Coherence
The structure of your essay follows a logical order, which helps in presenting your arguments coherently.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.