IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Nowadays the population of young people is more than old people in the countries and it benefits us to what extent do you agree or disagree.

#population #people #countries
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It has become a concerning issue
among
Change preposition
in
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 the society whether young population is more beneficial or not.I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 nation and
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 will give some supportive views in upcoming paragraphs. Why young population is important? The most remarkable reason is
strong
Correct article usage
the strong
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 willpower to elaborate
?
Change the punctuation
.
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young
Capitalize word
Young
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people
Use synonyms
 have more
feaxible
Correct your spelling
flexible
 thinking they can work more time because they have more patience levels rather than older
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, economic growth will increase which is beneficial for
country
Add an article
the country
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.Another considerable reason is
less
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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load national budget To elucidate, when older
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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face
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
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 issues
than
Correct your spelling
the
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 government provide medical help to the older individual
due
Linking Words
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 national budget become unbalanced young
people
Use synonyms
 face
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 health problem.
Hence
Linking Words
, government reduce
finical
Correct word choice
financial
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 burden. What is
more
Add a comma
more,
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 the most prominent
solutions
Fix the agreement mistake
solution
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 is young brains more creative.To explicate,young
people
Use synonyms
 are more creative as compared to senior citizens
yound
Correct your spelling
young
people
Use synonyms
 have unique ideas and they
do
Verb problem
make
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 new inventions which help to make
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
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 life more easy.
Resultantly
Rephrase
As a result
show examples
, young
people
Use synonyms
 change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 individual
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 in different ways.
For
Linking Words
instance
Add a comma
instance,
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 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 19 years
old
Correct word choice
apply
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markzuckerverg invented
face book
Correct your spelling
facebook
show examples
 for
people
Use synonyms
 because all
people
Use synonyms
 can communicate
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
 other easily and they are more beneficial for
nation
Add an article
the nation
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. In conclusion, young
people
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial for a country in terms of strong willpower,less load national budget
as well
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 young brains are more creative.
Submitted by amandhanoa987 on

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task achievement
The essay inadequately addresses task requirements, resulting in a lack of clarity and uneven development of ideas. To enhance task achievement, thoroughly answer the question, providing clear and comprehensive arguments. Ensure each paragraph contributes effectively towards answering the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, which hinders the reader's understanding. To improve cohesion, organize ideas clearly by using linking words and coherent paragraphs. Each paragraph should flow logically to the next, connecting ideas effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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